Friday, March 31, 2017

The Laughter of Little Children is Highly Overrated and Honesty is Underrated

It really is. Everyone's always like, "the laughter of little children this, the laughter of little children that," like it's this magic sound made from rainbow dust and unicorn farts. 

But let's be honest, because honesty is underrated:  The laughter of little children is actually pretty annoying. Sometimes it's cute, sure. Like when a puppy licks their faces or when you play peek-a-boo when they're babies. Most of the time, though, the laughter of little children is not nearly as adorable as that. 

Most of the time it portends trouble.

When I hear my own children laughing, at least, it's usually because they're doing something they shouldn't be. Something semi-dangerous like wrestling or climbing, which turns into crying very quickly. Or they're whispering curse words. Or speaking in baby-talk (THE WORST). Or drawing on their faces with magic markers, or other really naughty stuff. 

The laughter of little children is almost never, EVER funny to an adult, it's really loud, it usually means a giant mess is in the making, and it almost always turns into crying. The laughter of little children is highly overrated. At least it is in my experience. The laughter of little children has jumped the shark big time in the grand shark-jumping of human evolution. 

Do you know what else is overrated and jumped the shark this week? This blog! Here's what a dude I know personally and professionally wrote online last night about me and O.H.M.:
I don't really read her blog at all anymore. It seems to mostly be just repeated variations on the "I'm going to sit here on the couch wearing a snuggie and eating Frito's bean dip straight from a can and anyone who claims to ever do anything different is either lying or Gwyneth Paltrow" theme.

Now that was funny, and it made me laugh for two reasons: (1) how would someone who doesn't read my blog "at all anymore" know I wrote about Gwyneth Paltrow just this week?; and (2) It was cutting, mean, petty, and also true enough to have hurt my feelings for a minute. 

For a minute.

See, for better or worse, self-hatred is my most dominant character trait. You're sort of hate-proof if you already hate yourself more than the person who's hurling invective at you, and it's oddly liberating. I'm not proud of being depressed and neurotic, and I don't want to hate myself. I definitely don't think people who are eating well and exercising in the fresh air everyday like I should be doing too are "lying." I mean, I see them everyday on my way to work and I'm not inclined to deny tangible evidence I experience with my own eyes.

But I do think writing honestly is a good thing, and honesty is underrated. And honestly, "at all anymore" is not the same increment of time as "two days ago."

Soreeee. That shit is FAKE NEWS!

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