Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Most First Dates in Alaska Involve a Dudebro Telling a Kayak Guiding Story, Study Finds

The vast majority of first dates in Alaska involve some random dudebro telling a long, enthusiastic "this one time at band camp"-type story about a kayak trip he once guided, a new study published by the University of Alaska at Fairbanks shows.

"What's really remarkable about the outcome of this study is that it confirms a long-standing hypothesis among researchers in the field of basic outdoorsy dudebros, which is a sub-specialty of basic bro academia," said Dr. Amy Jones, lead author of the study and chair of the Department of Sociology at UAF.

"What we're finding is that the vast majority of basic outdoorsy dudebros instinctively resort to arguably embellished stories of heroic outdoorsmanship--kayaking trips in particular--to impress their dates in the early phases of a relationship." 

Usually, this results in a monopolizing of the conversation to the exclusion of any relevant information about the woman sitting across the table, who is expected to exclaim "wow" and "whoa" and "whaaaaaaat?!" through the part about the breaching whale and especially the part about getting weathered in to a cove. 

"It's usually not until the third craft beer that he gets to the part about the exact number of miles involved and this one urban dudebro from Chicago who was like, totally unprepared for the elements and had to be rescued by him," Dr. Jones added.

Dr. Jones and her team's next study aims to analyze the connection between basic outdoorsy dudebros talking about their last mountain climbing adventure and ophthalmic issues incurred by their dates' blank staring and surreptitious eye-rolling.

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