Wednesday, August 26, 2020

558 is at Least 557 Too Many

1. Maybe
2. If 
3. You’re 
4. The
5. Attorney
6. General
7. Of
8. A
9. State
10. Sending
11. 558
12. Texts
13. To
14. A 
15. Junior
16. Employee
17. At
18. Least
19. 200
20. Of
21. Which
22. Came
23. After
24. She
25. Told
26. You
27. To
28. Stop
29. And
30. Said
31. Things
32. Like 
33. Come on over 
34. You can come work at Law haha 
35. You’re beautiful ... Sweet dreams
36. What ya doin little troublemaker 
37. Rise and shine 
38. 😘😘😘😘😘
39. Those hugs are always pretty darn special 
40. I’m virus free
41. Etc.
42. Over 
44. The
45. Course
46. Of
47. One
48. Month
49. Was 
50. Gross
51. Scary
52. Creepy
53. And
54. Given 
55. The
56. Power 
57. Imbalance 
58. The
59. Chief 
60. Law
61. Enforcement 
62. Officer
63. For
64. The 
65. State
66. Should 
67. Know
68. Better 
69. And 
70. It 
71. Doesn’t 
72. Matter 
73. That 
74. The 
75. Texts 
76. Were
77. “G-Rated”
78. Or
79. “Not remotely salacious”
80. Because 
81. You
82. Are
83. A
84. Married
85. 61 year-old
86. Man 
87. Treating 
88. Your
89. Office 
90. Like
91. Tinder
92. So
93. In
94. Addition
95. To
96. Losing
97. Cases
98. Like
99. Socks 
100. In
101. The
102. Laundry
103. You’re 
104. Acting
105. Like
106. Work 
107. Is
108. Chillkoot 
109. Charlie’s 
110. And
111. This
112. Woman 
113. Whose
114. Number
115. You
116. Have
117. For
118. Work
119. You’re 
120. Blowing
121. Up
122. Her
123. Phone
124. Like 
125. The 
126. Fourth
127. Of
128. July 
129. While
130. She
131. Painfully 
132. Tries
133. To
134. Give
135. You
136. A
137. Hint
138. You
139. Won’t 
140. Take
141. It
142. And
143. Instead
144. Leave
145. Work 
146. For 
147. A
148. Mysterious 
149. 30-day
150. Period 
151. And
152. No one
153. Knows
154. Where 
155. You
156. Are 
157. Except 
158. People 
159. Did 
169. Because 
170. It
171. Turns
172. Out
173. You
174. Were
175. Placed
176. On
177. 30
178. Days
179. Of
180. Unpaid
181. Leave
182. And
183. Then
184. Got
185. To 
186. Resign 
187. Instead 
188. Of
189. Being
190. Fired
191. Like
192. You 
193. Should 
194. Have
195. Been
196. On
197. Day
198. One
199. Let’s
200. Be
201. Clear
202. By
203. The
204. Time 
205. You
206. Are 
207. Defending 
208. Your
209. Texts 
210. To
211. A
212. Professional 
213. Subordinate 
214. Using
215. The
216. MPA
217. Movie
218. Ratings 
219. Scale 
220. You’ve 
221. Already 
222. Lost
223. The 
224. High
225. Ground 
226. My 
227. Friend 
228. Speaking 
229. Of
230. Which 
231. For 
232. A
233. Guy
234. Who’s
235. Made 
236. His
237. Career
238. Persecuting
239. Other 
240. People’s 
241. Sex
242. Lives
243. In 
244. The
245. Good
246. Lord’s
247. Name
248. You
249. Got
250. Some
251. Set
252. Of
253. Gonads 
254. Doing
255. This
256. But
257. Who
258. Are
259. We
260. Kidding 
261. This
262. Shit
263. Keeps
264. Happening 
265. Because 
266. We
267. Let
268. It
269. Over
279. And
280. Over 
281. And
282. Over
283. Again 
284. In 
285. Fact
286. By
287. The 
288. Time
289. You
290. Finish 
291. Reading
292. This
293. Countless 
294. Women
295. Will
296. Have
297. Tried
298. And
299. Failed
300. To
301. Extract
302. Themselves 
303. From
304. Some
305. Gross
306. Creepy
307. Text
308. Convo
309. They
310. Have
311. No
312. Business
313. Being 
314. In
315. Anyway 
316. With 
317. Creepers
318. Like 
319. You
320. And
321. While
322. We’re
323. Here
324. Let’s
325. Discuss
326. How
327. There 
328. Are 
329. No
330. Two
331. Things 
332. More
333. Highly
334. Prized
335. In
336. Our
337. Society 
338. Than
339. A
340. Mediocre 
341. White 
342. Man’s
343. Reputation 
344. And
345. Career
346. So
347. Give
348. It
349. Six
350. Months
351. And
352. No one 
353. Will
354. Even 
355. Remember 
356. This
357. Now
358. I 
359. Must
360. Confess 
361. To
362. Some 
363. Serious 
364. Schadenfreude 
365. Watching
366. You 
367. Self-immolate 
368. After 
369. All
370. You
371. And
372. Your 
373. Corrupt
374. Accomplices
375. Fired
376. Me
377. And
378. One 
379. Other
380. Jewish 
381. Lawyer 
382. Within 
383. Three
384. Hours 
385. Of
386. Assuming 
387. Office
388. Because
389. We
390. Were 
391. Mean 
392. To
393. Trump
394. On
395. Twitter 
396. So
397. I 
398. Must 
399. Say
400. I 
401. Didn’t 
402. Think
403. It 
404. Could 
405. Get 
406. Better 
407. Than
408. Tuckerman
409. Babcock 
410. Getting
411. Fired
412. Nine
413. Months
414. After 
415. He
416. Fired
417. Us
418. But
419. You
420. Proved
421. Me 
422. Wrong
423. With
424. Your 
425. 😘😘😘😘😘
426. Not
427. To
428. Mention
429. How
430. You
431. Tried
432. To
433. Get
434. Trump 
435. To
436. Violate
437. Immigration 
438. Law
439. For
440. Your 
441. Colombian  
442. Supposed  
443. Wife
444. Which 
445. Is
446. Yet 
447. More
448. Layers 
449. Of
450. Gross 
451. Can 
452. I
453. Stop 
454. Now
455. This 
456. Is
457. Getting
458. Uncomfortable 
459. Wait 
460. No
461. Sorry 
462. To
463. Bother 
464. You
465. I’ve 
466. Just
467. Got
468. Like 
469. 100
470. More
471. Things 
472. To
473. Say
474. At
475. The 
476. Risk
477. Of
478. Making 
479. You 
480. Uncomfortable 
481. May
482. I 
484. And
485. I 
486. Don’t 
487. Want
488. To
489. Be
490. Forward 
491. But 
492. Was 
493. That 
494. Whole
495. Mask 
496. Kerfuffle
497. With 
498. Anchorage 
499. About 
500. Freedumb 
501. Or
502. Has
503. A
504. Woman 
505. Never
506. Sat
507. On
508. Your
509. Boiled 
510. Ham
511. Head 
512. Because 
513. If
514. That’s 
515. It
516. I
517. Know
518. Where
519. You 
520. Could 
521. Get
522. Some
523. Tips
524. On
525. Your 
526. Game 
527. But
528. Spoiler
529. Alert
530. It’s 
531. Not
532. At
533. Work
534. Nor
535. Does
536. It
537. Involve 
538. Inviting
539. A
540. Junior 
541. Employee 
542. To
543. Your
544. House 
545. 18
546. Times
547. Like 
548. Maybe
549. Instead 
550. Of
551. Sexually 
552. Harassing 
553. Women 
554. Do
555. Some 
556. More
557. Legal 
558. Research😘




Sunday, August 16, 2020

Alaska’s Primary Election is This Tuesday: Here’s What You Need to Know.

1. When is Alaska’s Primary Election?

This Tuesday, August 18 (the date is set in statute).

2. What is the Deal with the Multiple Ballots?

Under current Alaska law, political parties, not the State, decide who can vote in their primary, per party bylaws, which they submit to the State in advance. The State then runs the primary. Republicans have a semi-closed primary (Ds can’t vote in it, but registered Republicans (R), Undeclared (U) and Nonpartisan (N) can). Ds have an open primary and any registered voter can vote in it. As a result of litigation, Ns and Us can appear on the D ballot. You will have a choice of ballots if you are registered R,U, or N. There is no “independent” category, but N and U are functionally the same thing. If you are registered D you can only vote the D ballot (sometimes called the ADL ballot for Alaskan Independence/Democrat/Libertarian parties, which all appear on the same ballot). Alaskan Independence is the anti-Statehood party, not to be confused with “independent” voters which again is not technically a thing here.

3. What’s on the 2020 Primary Ballot?

On the primary ballot this year are United States Senate races for Dan Sullivan’s seat, the United States House race for Don Young’s seat, and local house and senate races (depending on the district). Federal house and state house are always on every ballot, but state and federal senate races are staggered due to longer terms. Candidates who win the primary advance to the general election ballot in November.

4.  Is There Voter Fraud?

There is no widespread voter fraud, in person or otherwise. There has been one prosecution in the last decade or so for alleged absentee ballot fraud in House District 15 in Anchorage, because the elections division immediately caught an irregularity and that is why felony charges were brought against a state house candidate from that district.

5. Does my Early or Absentee Vote Even Count?

YES YES YES. Every single ballot is counted, starting on election night after polling places have closed. Early ballots cast in person at early vote locations are commingled with votes cast at polling places on Election Day. Absentee ballots, which are cast in envelopes, are opened and counted by boards under a strict statutory process for 15 days after the election until the count is complete. Sometimes the result is known on election night, but all ballot counting begins at the same time.

6. How Do They Know Votes are Legit?

For in-person and early voting, you sign a precinct register or form and an election worker checks your ID (Alaska’s voter ID law is very liberal and there are many different forms of acceptable ID) at that time. For absentee voting, you fill out an oath and affidavit envelope that contains your witnessed signature and identifying info that the elections division processes after you vote.

7. What’s that Election in October?

Some Alaskan cities hold municipal elections the first week in October. These are sometimes all by-mail. They are city elections for local office and issues, and have nothing to do with statewide elections.

8. Who Can Vote Early or Absentee?

Anyone. Alaska is a “no fault” absentee voting state, meaning anyone can vote early or absentee for any reason starting about two weeks before the election. You don’t have to have a reason.

9. What is Ballot Measure 2?

Ballot Measure 2, called “Alaskans for Better Elections” is slated for the November general election ballot. It’s a voter initiative (direct legislation) that would create a top 4 nonpartisan open primary, a ranked-choice general election, and more transparency in campaign finance. All the parties hate it and that should tell you something.

10. What About COVID?

There will be some changes to polling place voting this year because of the pandemic. You are (and always have been) assigned to one of 40 house districts based on where you live. Check the division of elections website to find out the deal with your specific polling place. https://www.elections.alaska.gov/






Saturday, August 1, 2020

Letter to My Pre-Pandemic Self

January 1, 2020

Dear Libby,

Happy New Year! 

Are you sitting down? No, don’t worry. No one died. At least not yet. That’s gonna change in about four months, however. About 150,000 US citizens will be dead by then. What? No, not a nuclear holocaust or asteroid, although you’ll be praying for both. I’m not really at liberty to say a whole lot more at the moment, but I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t at least try to prepare you a little bit for what’s coming.

Hmm. How should I put this. Uh. Um....Ok. First of all: how’s your WiFi? You’re gonna wanna increase your bandwidth because you’ll be spending a lot of time online. Like, a LOT. OHM is gonna do numbers though so that’s good at least! Oh! ZOOM. Also Zoom. You’ve never heard of that? It’s like Skype. Call Kerri over at Edward Jones. Buy stock in that shit like, NOW. Also while you’re at it you MIGHT want to add Charmin and whatever company makes surgical masks or respirators to your portfolio.

Remember the movie 28 Days Later? The zombie movie starring that hot British fuck boi from Peaky Blinders? Why am I bringing that up? Weeeellll ... all I can tell you is that you’re probably gonna want to go out for dinner or drinks with the girls now. Pretty soon you won’t be able to do that. Hug your friends. 

The kids? Oh don’t worry about them. Kids are resilient, thank God. But you should probably tell them to quit fighting and start working on their sibling rapport, because they won’t be seeing their friends or going to school again for the indefinite future. How come? Welp. I can’t really say exactly, but I CAN tell you to stock up on board games and Ativan.

Impeachment? Mueller? No no no. Forget about all that shit. That’s a big ole nothingburger with cheese and a side of waffle fries. Sorry to say Trump isn’t going anywhere. In fact he’s going to stir up massive amounts of shit. More than he has already? Believe it or not, yes. He’s gonna do “amazing” on a dementia test though, so that’s good at least. And there will be a LITTLE bit of baseball. With cardboard fans in the stands.

How’s your math? Like common core. That might be your new job. No no no. Don’t worry, you’ll still be a lawyer. In fact you’re going to get a great new job. But you ALSO need to bone up on 7th grade algebra because that’s gonna be a big part of your parenting responsibilities now. Also time to learn to sew. I know you’re fucking useless. But it’s time to grow up and learn some practical skills.

Bottom line: I suggest you go online right now and order a gross of toilet paper, two bolts of fabric, and a dozen boxes of N95s. What are those? Oh they‘re like these surgical masks with respirators built into them. Yes yes. You’re gonna have to wear them. Inside. Also sometimes outside.

Also have you heard of the Darwin Awards? That’s gonna be a thing.

Love,

August Libby