Thursday, March 23, 2017

I Only Have One Problem With "March Nakedness" and It's Not What You Think

Let me be clear from the jump: I have nothing against stripping, or "dancing," as it's euphemistically called at times. I'm all about live and let live: If you want to take off all your clothes and hump a pole while shitfaced dudebros catcall you and stick dollar bills in your thong underwear, knock yourself out, I say. And if you want to do it at the Viking Lounge in Juneau for dudes who just paid a $10 cover that includes a $1 drink--with ladies no cover all night!--then all the better. 

In my personal experience, most women who enter the field of pole-arts have a little bit of baggage to work out, but don't we all? I mean, look at me for fuck's sake! The main reason I'm not stripping is that the amount of money I'd have to spend removing all my fur would be more than I'd make getting naked. It would be a net loss. Trust me.

So again, I'm not judging. At least not for the stripping or the watching of the stripping. I'm judging for the name. 

I feel like the Viking Lounge could have arrived at a more creative name for this event than "March Nakedness." March Nakedness lacks the pizzazz this event so clearly deserves.

Like maybe "March Hotness?" Or "March Tits-n-Ass?" Or "March Nudeness?" Or even "March Nadness?" Although that last one would be the male version. Come to think of it, they don't say it's not coed, although the silhouette on the bill implies it is not, and I've never seen a male pole dancer. Think of the junk slapping against that pole. Not a good look, I'm afraid.

Anyway, "March Nakedness" just sounds so clinical--so slap-dash. Doesn't it? You can't just stick the suffix "ness" on the end of your March Madness-themed stripper show and call it a day!

Go home, March Nakedness. You're drunk.

1 comment:

  1. Junk slapping against that pole ... dang it ... I had coffee in my mouth when I read that!


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