Thursday, March 2, 2017

Jeff Sessions Drops Diss Track on Vladimir Putin

Scrambling to rebuff allegations of improper collusion with Russia that threaten to cost him his job, newly-appointed Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard "Bong" Sessions III just dropped a white hot diss track on Vladimir Putin.

In an attempt to distance himself from allegations of treason, the embattled Keebler Elf has emerged from his tree under the rapper name E.L. Fudge, to spit bars at the ruthless Russian autocrat and manufacture a beef between the two men. 

As usual, O.H.M. has an exclusive sneak-peak at the lyrics--which appear to be based off Back to Back by Drake--before the track is even available for download on iTunes! 

It goes a little something like this:

Oh man, oh man, not again . . .

Yeah, I learned the game from Richard fuckin' Nixon
You don't know what intel you missin'
Back to back, for the spies that didn't get the memo
Back to back, like I never been to Moscow
Back to back, like yo I don't even know you!

Whoa, very fancy at the Bolshoi ballet
Like I told Congress, I ain't give you the time of day
Yeah, but it's weighin' heavy on my conscience
Yeah, and fuck, you left the Bong no options

I wanna see Alabama go insane!
You gon' make me step out of my fuckin' lane
You gon' make me pass the blame
You gon' make me go outta my fuckin' way

I waited the whole election, Putin, where y'all at?
Oh that's right, near the Black Sea, riding a horse bareback
I rode to DC tight with the alt-right and the KKK
I'm not sure what made all this shit go astray
But I guess this is what I gotta do to make the special prosecutor go away?

I mean whoah, can't fool the FBI man, they know what's up
Planting lies about peeing ho's and hotels in the Kremlin, chump?
This for all y'all who think I committed treason
They just mad 'cause I got a cabinet post for no reason!

You hacked us, now you wanna mack on us?
You put Pussy Riot behind bars
Is this a world war or a world tour?
I know you gotta be a dictator 
I have a bald eagle tattooed on my ass, bitch, I'm a commie-hater

Yeah, trigger fingers turn to twitter fingers
You gettin' bodied by a racist figure
I'm not the type of elf that'll type to elves
I love America more than Uncle Sam himself!

I don't wanna hear about this ever again
Not even after Mike Flynn said he was your friend
Not even when you sayin, Jizzy, tell 'em again!
I been on C-SPAN in a select committee
While you drinkin' vodka in Siberia and grabbin' Soviet titties

Please, check me for a wire or an earpiece
Please, please do not let these traitors near me
Please, think before you come for the great one
Please, who's a real patriot and who ain't one?

As of this update, Putin has not clapped back.

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