Thursday, March 30, 2017

This Dancing Exotic Pole on Juneau Buy-Sell-Trade is FIRE!

If you live in Juneau, I don’t need to tell you, because you already know.

The Juneau Buy-Sell-Trade Facebook page is FIRE. It’s even better than Juneau Community Concern, whose page administrators once excoriated me for linking my blog posts there, prompting an indignant, Kanye West/Wiz Khalifa-style Internet beef of which I relished every moment.

Fast forward to last night, when an alert reader urged me to “please do something with this,” and by “this” she meant this ad on Juneau Buy-Sell-Trade trying to unload a “dancing exotic pole.”

Without the benefit of pics (which are not readily available per the seller), I’d hazard a guess that this is technically a stripper pole, though as you can see, the ad does not use that word because “exotic dancing” is the preferred term for “stripping” in the lingua franca of the pole arts.

As I’ve said before, I have nothing against the pole arts, be it getting naked and humping a pole for one-dollar bills in your thong, or rocking some foreplay in the privacy of your own bedroom. But I do have something against euphemisms, and let's be honest: "exotic dancing” is to “stripping” what “extreme vetting” is to “ethnic cleansing.”

Returning to the matter at hand (or boob), this “dancing exotic pole” is a STEAL at a $75 discount. Particularly if it actually dances, like some Hermione Granger-type shit? Sadly, it seems likely the advertiser made a grammatical error here as opposed to being in possession of an exotic pole that magically dances on its own in a Harry Potter meets Hooters-type scenario. If I’m wrong, then the seller of this pole is sitting on a gold mine and someone needs to snatch it up, stat!

Juneau has a pretty transient population, with people moving in and out all the time for any number of reasons, which makes for a lively free marketplace of depreciable goods one might rather leave behind. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, as they say, and this exotic dancing pole certainly fits the bill.

PLUS a how-to-video, extensions, extra parts, and a mysterious “tool," all of which are included for the low low price of $175? The only thing missing is the Cotsco-sized container of 200 Clorox wipes you will need to wipe this thing down.

Talk about a package deal.

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