Saturday, April 1, 2017

POTUS is Fully Losing His Goddamnt Mahnd!

Ever since a stalker wingnut tried and failed to get me fired for criticizing Donald Trump as if Alaska were communist Russia with no First and Fourteenth Amendments, I've only been emboldened to criticize him more, as often as possible.

Fortunately for satirists and unfortunately for everyone else, not a day goes by where POTUS doesn't showcase his clinical narcissism on Twitter. Each sunrise begets more brazen lunacy gushing forth from the anus-shaped mouth-hole and tiny fingers of Vladimir Cheetos. 

Check out the latest.

"Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd" now joins Goofy Elizabeth Warren (a.k.a. "Pocahontas"), Crooked Hillary, Fake Tears Chuck Schumer, Little Marco Rubio, and Lyin' Ted Cruz in the long parade of public figures whom Trump has graced with a mafioso-esque sobriquet.

This makes perfect sense for someone who's spent his entire life operating in a shady real estate underworld accountable to no one and nothing, least of all the law, and definitely not his non-existent conscience. 

To the extent Trump's not demented--and that's a big if--he's enraged because he's finding out you don't get to run the government "like a business." The government is not a business. It's literally the opposite of a business. Suddenly you have to comply with the Constitution. Suddenly you have to deal with a free press. Suddenly your executive actions are subject to judicial review. Suddenly there is a public to hold you accountable for your cheating, mendacity, and mental instability. 

And even if American democracy were a business, that would be a bad sign for all of us, considering its CEO had to go to Russia for money. For all his jingoism and amazing, tremendous, terrific, incredible, [insert superlative] "deal-making," no American bank would lend to him. 


Which of course is how we all ended up here in the first place, and no amount of impulsive tweet-blaming Obama, Hillary, and the FAKE NEWS in all caps while promoting his Fox News propaganda arm will change that. 

Given the gelatinous backbones of our craven, self-serving Congress (whose membership has suddenly awakened to the civic bombshell that they work for the people who elected them), it's unlikely any misfortune will befall Trump as a result of "Russiagate." 


He'll just continue to self-destructively use his unsecured Android and personal Twitter account to undermine an ongoing federal criminal investigation pending against him. More likely than not, he will emerge as he always does:  a huckster unscathed and unharmed, while the country he conned is left to pick up the pieces like we were one of his failed casinos or get-rich-quick "university" scams.


And meanwhile, the whole world is watching this all unfold like . . .

1 comment:

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