Monday, April 17, 2017

Proof Positive that 2017 is a Trash Fire: John Mayer is Back

Trigger warning to hardcore John Mayer fans: I am going to offend you with this post, and I'm saying sorry in advance. If you have firm feelings about the amazing-ness of John Mayer--musically or otherwise--I suggest perhaps you stop reading now.

Otherwise, you'll have to get in line behind strippers, avalanche victims, my mother-in-law, a few transgender teens, a white supremacist stalker, and my dad among people I've offended with my color commentary. 

With that out of the way, I'm telling you that we now have proof positive that 2017 is a fucking dumpster fire, and we are labeling it Exhibit A: John Mayer's Comeback.

I went to camp with a kid who went to high school with John Mayer. It sounds like a distant six-degrees-of-separation type thing, but I'm pretty good friends with this dude and I'd trust him with my life (literally, he's a doctor). He insists quite credibly that John Mayer was as big of a douche in high school as he is today. 

Frankly, I think it got under his skin that John Mayer made a million dollars threatening to "run through the halls" of their old high school. Not that I blame either of them, my friend OR John Mayer.

Anyway, I just can't with John Mayer. I don't know the guy, of course, and I'm sure he's very deep and complicated and a musical genius and a millionaire who banged Taylor Swift AND Katie Perry AND Jessica Simpson, and whose most recent Top-40 single sounds like Garth Brooks.

I'm not disputing any of that. 

And I also realize that the overarching theme of John Mayer's comeback is, to my very point, "I used to be an asshole and now I'm a reformed asshole, wait until you see how big of an asshole I'm not anymore."

But you know what? I'm not buying it, and I don't think I'm alone.

Like that's literally his campaign slogan right now: "Make John Mayer Not an Asshole Anymore." I'm pretty sure there are hats. Fedoras, probably.

With the exception of 1969--in which Jim Morrison rose to ascendancy as The Original Insufferable Dudebro--we might as well carve 2017 in the stone tablets of history as "Year of the Insufferable Dudebro 2.0."





2 comments:

  1. I don't care if he's an asshole ... love his writing, love his musical talent, love his weirdness. I really thought I was going to be offended by your post, but I'm not.

    Huh. :-)

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  2. Gag me with a spoon! I was so devastated when he took jerrys spot in the grateful dead revival. Im a huge deadhead and couldn't even watch it or listen to it because of this douche. Don't even get me started!

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