Saturday, April 8, 2017

I Feel Like I Receive a Disproportionate Amount of Penis Enlargement Spam

And I can't quite figure out why that is. I mean, it's not like I have a penis, although to be fair, I use the word "dick" on the Internet a lot. Like, a lot. 

Regardless of the explanation, I first started to notice this trend last month, when Dr. Okosun of "Okosun Supernatural Home" wrote to me PERSONALLY to advertise his "super penis enlargement skills" and "super penis enlargement medicine":

So many questions. 

First of all, is there another way I can get this shipped to Alaska because I don't think "the DHL" delivers to Juneau. Also, will this medicine really make the user able to "satisfy any woman in this world?" That seems a bit excessive, I mean lots of women are lesbians and don't want anything to do with a dick of any size. Plus, isn't 8 inches a little bit excessive, even if your goal is to "last longer on sex?" I mean, I've never taken out a tape measure or anything, but 8 inches sounds like Double Stuf Oreos. Or more like this:

Then today I opened my inbox to this:

Anyway, you get the gist. 

The cool thing about this "herbal mixture cream" is that it takes your dick from "a very small penis about 3.5 inches long" to "10 inches long in erection" in just two weeks, AND BONUS: it cures type 2 diabetes! But the best part of all? Dr. Harry's herbal mixture cream works better than drugs, vaccines, surgery, and pills. Wow, better than SURGERY? 

It's truly amazing what you can find while "browsing through the internet one faithful day." All you have to do is follow a few simple steps after clicking on a scary-looking link that definitely will not irreparably corrupt your hard drive at all. 

At that point, Dr. Harry will literally cast a spell over some of his marvelous "herbal mixture cream," like he's the Willy Wonka of Wanking, and your shitty marriage which has been broken by your teeny weenie will be en fuego again in no time.

1 comment:

  1. Another tale of the endless dick. Pun intended.


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