Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Michelle Duggar is a Gift to the Internet

Michelle Duggar is the gift that keeps on giving, y'all!

Her latest wisdom for all you ladies out there is the sage advice that you should let your husband marital rape you even when you're 18 months pregnant and semi-unconscious from toddlers puking on you all day.

According to M. Duggs' latest blog post as reported by People, "anyone can make him lunch" or "iron his shirt," but you are "the only one who can fill that special need" even though "you might not feel like he feels," (also known as "fuck off" to anyone with a vagina who has ever been married for more than two days).

Let's put aside the fact that technically, others can fill that "special need," and I'm not even talking about having an Ashley Madison account, necessarily. Try your right hand coupled with the internet, just to cite one example. I've heard it works like a charm.

Now let me just add that at least in my own marriage, I can't recall the last time I ironed a grown man's shirt or made him a lunch, because I'm too busy making the money necessary to buy lunches, irons, and shirts. But it's not even true that "anybody" can do that! I suck at lunch-making and ironing! And conversely, it IS true that anyone with a vagina--technically--can "fulfill that special need" that we shall not name but--spoiler alert--is neither ironing nor lunch-making.

Generally speaking, I don't have a problem with being "joyfully available" for "special needs fulfillment" (which, by the way, sounds like a federal ADA mandate). But I'm damn sure not going to be "joyfully available" when I'm 7 months along with my sixteenth fetus.

If you take Michelle's advice though, you will be richly rewarded because your man "will listen to everything you have to tell him." So in other words, her marriage advice boils down to this: let your husband corpse-fuck you whenever he wants, so that he will pretend to care when you whine to him about that one lady who said she'd make three dozen deviled eggs for the church potluck but then bailed at the last minute.

Looks like M. Duggs is breathing hairspray fumes yet again. Shine on, shine on you cuh-raaaaaazy diamond!

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