Tuesday, October 20, 2015

The Soccer Mom Sport Pod is Totally a Thing and We All Must Have One Right Now

I was thinking about calling this post a "product review," but decided that would be disingenuous since I haven't actually seen or used this product yet. But you can bet your last folding chair that I plan to!

For a single Benjamin (plus shipping and handling), this pop-up sports tent from Anthem Sports can be yours! Here's how the good folks at Anthem describe the "Under the Weather Personal Sport Pod Pop-Up Tent for Parents":
This one-of-a-kind personal pop-up tent is perfect for outdoor sporting events. It provides protection from sun, wind, rain and snow, while watching kids sporting events, fishing, hunting, and more. The tent sets up in seconds and folds down into a 22" diameter carry bag. Inside conditions can be up to 30 degrees warmer than the outside temperature.
Here's how it looks while in use:

The product description goes on to list all the specs (e.g. lightweight and portable, provides shade and SPF 50 sun protection, zippered windows for ventilation, etc.). But being a reluctant soccer mom myself, there are other product specs NOT listed that I believe are highly applicable:
  • Allows you to suffocate rival parents ("Here, come try out this cool new tent thingie I just got!" ... ZZZIIIIPPPPP ... nighty-night)!
  • Clear windows allow rival parents to view sibling of player conspicuously reading War and Peace in Russian and immediately experience a sense of competitive academic anxiety because their own child is playing Minecraft on an iPad.
  • Lightweight structure allows you to kick pod over on its side or push it over from behind in anger whilst pod is occupied by frienemy parent. They'll never know what hit 'em!
  • Sound-resistant polyester and polyurethane paneling allows you to zip yourself inside and scream very loudly in rage without being heard.
  • Great for surviving the nuclear holocaust if it happens to coincide with the age 6 and up co-ed outdoor soccer tourney.
  • Perfect for hot-boxing with weed during painful and punishing kids' soccer matches.
This is so totally perfect for all outdoor sports, especially those played in a rain forest by parents and kids pretending not to give a shit who wins or loses. I don't know about you guys, but I'm buying mine TODAY!

Under The Weather Personal Sport Pod Pop-Up Tent

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