No, this wasn't something you missed in 11th grade AP European History. It occurred long after World War II, as in yesterday. And it didn't involve any allied global superpowers, although one of the combatants thinks she is a global superpower (I won't say which).
It was a battle between me and Paige over lemon flavored La Croix sparkling water.
For the uninitiated, La Croix sparkling water is a miraculously chemical-free, semi-flavored club soda (or seltzer to us Jews), that my kids love to drink. I think it makes them feel grown up to finally be allowed to crack open a can of something and chug it down like their parents do at every opportunity.
The Battle of La Croix started when Paige fired the opening shot in the form of dumping half a can of La Croix onto Isaac's torso on purpose. In an attempt to adhere to "natural consequences," I took away the La Croix, even though club soda removes stains and Paige was actually (albeit inadvertently) doing me a huge favor by bathing her brother.
Paige immediately threw a gigantic fit, claiming that she was thirsty, and that regular water would not do. Through tears, she promised not to pour any more La Croix on Isaac if I just gave her back the can of La Croix.
But I was determined to stick to my guns. If I cannot manage to abide by a punishment as mild and rational as this, I thought, then I am truly useless as a disciplinarian.
Paige persisted and I told her she could have the La Croix back tomorrow morning. She rightly pointed out it would be flat by then. I upped the ante by dramatically taking a gigantic sip out of the can and telling her that less would be flat now. This of course sent her into renewed hysterics.
Eventually, I managed to distract her by offering to read an extra chapter of Book 4 of Harry Potter if she would only stop talking about the confiscated La Croix. And in this manner, a detante was reached in The Battle of La Croix.
Future generations will study this one day, so history buffs, take note.