Thursday, April 16, 2015

I Briefly Considered Spending Thousands of Dollars to See Taylor Swift Perform Live in Seattle

I have openly admitted on this blog that I love Taylor Swift songs with a passion that is disturbing and wrong. This morning while driving to work, I took that passion one step over the line by briefly considering spending thousands of dollars to see Taylor Swift perform live in Seattle.

"Shake it Off" came on the radio, and my neurotransmitters released a quick burst of serotonin as I realized the last three minutes of my drive would be spent caterwauling along to T. Swizzle while banging my hands up and down on the steering wheel and gesticulating wildly inside the confines of my car. As I did this, I imagined watching T. Swizz live in concert and hatched a diabolical plan re: how I could blame and frame my seven year-old daughter for the trip.

See, it wasn't my idea: it was Paige's.

We were driving in the car two or three days ago (the only place we listen to Taylor Swift, somehow), when our local Top 40 radio station advertised a contest: "You and a friend could win an all-expenses paid trip to Seattle to see Taylor Swift at Century Link Field on her 1989 World Tour on August 8--ON US!"

"PLEEEEEEEEASE CAN WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOMMY?!" Paige wailed plaintively from the backseat of our filthy Honda Pilot. Not unless we win the contest, I told her, as I decided then and there that I was not about to drop thousands of dollars on airfare, hotel, and concert tickets just to stand in the middle of 50,000 screaming tweens while a teeny-bopper pop sensation pranced around a stage in go-go boots, a glittery halter top, and a head-mic with carefully-timed pyrotechnics blasting off all around her.

But wait a minute! This was EXACTLY what I wanted to do, and HAD to do.

Knowing we would never win the radio contest, I did some quick math in my head and began mentally moving cash around from bank account to bank account. I had myself going on,,, my online bank accounts, and all the other dot coms, a thorough vetting of which would take me and Paige straight to Seattle to see Taylor Swift at Century Link Field on August 8!

The second I got to a computer, I set about this task with diligence. It's all for Paige. We are making memories. It's mother-daughter bonding. She will remember this forever! 

Get real. 

My attempts at mother-daughter bonding inevitably turn to fighting, and I am inept at making memories, as I have also previously admitted right here on this blog. I am also a complete and total narcissist and Paige's enjoyment of this concert would be a collateral benefit. The main purpose, as usual, was me. And fuck me running if I wasn't going to put a T. Swizzle concert on my bucket list and cross it off all in the same day!

Upon looking at my calendar in Outlook, though, I was simultaneously disappointed and relieved to find that our family would be out of town on August 8 (not in Seattle), and therefore physically (if not financially) unable to see Taylor Swift live at Century Link Field.

Sadly, making this memory for Paige would have to await T. Swizz's next world tour and, quite possibly, a substantial raise.

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