Friday, January 23, 2015

Making Memories

"People trusted you ... and people DIED." 

That's what Keanu Reeves says to Patrick Swayze in the completely amazeballs 1991 film Point Break. Reeves plays an undercover FBI agent infiltrating a ring of surfing bank robbers called "The Dead Presidents," so named for the masks they wear when committing their crimes. It's an awesome movie, and if you haven't seen it, or haven't seen it in awhile, you need to revisit its complete and total hilarious awesomeness.

Allow me to anticipate your question: what does this classic bit of American cinema have to do with the title of this blog post? Well, I'll tell you. It pops into my head every time I feel like I've failed my children at the daunting task of Making Memories.

Making Memories is every parent's job, or so we are told. We are supposed to create traditions, bestow experiences, and act in ways that generally keep our children out of therapy later in life and make them reminisce fondly on their childhoods. 

That being said, I try to put myself in my kids' shoes twenty years from now. I have this nagging fear that the theme of their future psychotherapeutic experience will be: 

"I trusted my mother to Make Memories for me ... and she FAILED!"

There are so, so many small ways I am failing my children, all of which I fear will lead to a sort of "death by a thousand cuts" for their psychological well-being. Case in point: just this week, I totally forgot about the STUPID MOTHERFUCKING GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SALE GODDAMMIT!!!! (I haven't even ordered Paige the vest for the badges, by the way). Of course, the order forms are due on Sunday, as in two days from now, and I am going to have to devise some sort of ad-hoc solution to avert total embarrassment for myself and my child. 

Fortunately in this instance, Paige doesn't seem to notice or care. But it's like, REALLY?! You couldn't get it together to sell a few boxes of cookies? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Single mothers of a zillion children do a better job than you at Making Memories!! Maybe if you spent less time reading, working, blogging, crying, drinking, talking, and pining for every path not taken in your life you would actually be Making Memories for your kids?

"Maybe if she spent less time reading, working, blogging, crying, drinking, talking, and pining for every path not taken in her life she would have Made Memories for me." That's totally what Paige is going to say to her shrink while shoving a sleeve of thin mints into her face between heaving sobs.

I am doing only a slightly better job with Isaac. He made me a bracelet at school and it took me two days to lose it instead of two hours.

Well, as Keanu tells Patrick when he lets him avoid prison by committing suicide in the surf at the end of Point Break, all I can say to my kids is: "Vaya con dios, bra. Vaya con dios."





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