Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Carefree [Panty] Liners: You Will Be Mine!

After Yahoo! News and my own general self-loathing, the greatest inspiration for this blog are the ads that pop up in my Facebook newsfeed. I've had KY Jelly and Granny Panties, and now I have Carefree [Panty] Liners courtesy of a model eating a taco.

Big Internet Advertising Brother is watching, because he knows exactly how much I love my period, tacos, and lunch, in that order. Never mind that I haven't used (much less purchased) a panty liner since I was 15, preferring instead on those "lite" days just to wear black or red underwear and let the proverbial chips fall where they may. 

He also knows that I hate old lady words like "purse," "moist," and "slacks," so he is trying to sell me a hip new panty liner for 25 year-old taco-eating models (not fat old ladies!) whose focus group edited out the word "panty."

Finally, he knows that I "order what I want" and "own it," and he knows I think that's "fierce." Because pretty much the fiercest thing you can do is to order a rather suggestively symbolic taco on a light day of your period, lift it up to your face with one emaciated arm, and shove it in your guacamole hole while looking like a super model.

I would finish this blog post, but I just felt an inexplicable urge to go out and buy a box of Carefree [Panty] Liners. Fortunately, my favorite greasy taco place in town also sells period supplies. I need to feel "fresh" immediately! 

Meet me at the Lemon Creek Breeze-In, Carefree [Panty] Liners!

1 comment:

  1. what the?? my ads are, I only looked after reading about your ads, cruises, cookware and botox--I LIVE/LOVE the high life!


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