Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Best Worst Poll Ever

If it weren't for The Huffington Post, I don't know how I'd continue to find material for this blog. Oh wait. There's also Yahoo News, Slate, Shit My Friends Send Me, The Endless Supply of Douches in The World, and My Totes Fucked Neurotic Mental State. 

So I guess there's still some unexplored terrain. 

Today's post is a Venn Diagram overlap of The Huffington Post/Shit My Friends Send Me categories of material. APPARENTLY . . . wait for it . . . Derek Jeter and his model girlfriend, Hannah Davis, split a check for pizza in Italy

The Huffington Post wants to know what you think about this. They've got a radio-button poll with four options answering the question "Should Jeter have paid?," (after noting that both people on this date are gazillionaires). Possible answers: (1) Yes; (2) No; (3) Whatever makes Hannah comfortable; and (4) Wow, slow news day?!

As the friend who sent this to me noted: "When HuffPost KNOWS its story and poll is insane and wants you to vote to let it know that you know that it knows, that my friend is blog-post worthy!"

I agree! 

That's why I've devised my OWN best worst poll for readers to answer, which I am titling "O.H.M.'s Best Worst Poll Ever." I started to do this as a real poll on SurveyMonkey, but then I got lazy and gave up. (99% of stories in my life end with that sentence).

1. What is the worst general category of bros?"
(a) Frat bros
(b) Tech bros
(c) Finance bros
(d) Hipster bros

2. What is the worst category of Alaska bros?
(a) Ski-guide bros
(b) Seasonal tourism industry bros
(c) Racing bros
(d) Sledneck bros

3. What is the worst minor physical affliction?
(a) Hangnail
(b) Stubbed toe
(c) Paper cut 
(d) Zit inside nostril

4. What is the worst form of group electronic communication?
(a) Reply-all emails
(b) Group text
(c) Facebook group message
(d) Evite/SurveyMonkey

5. What is the worst way to end a text message convo?
(a)  Silence
(b) "Haha nice"
(c) Any emoji
(d) ;)

6. What is the worst part of the male body to sext to a woman?
(a) Dick
(b) Balls
(c) Taint
(d) Pecs

7. What is the worst common female health annoyance?
(a) Period while on camping/rafting trip
(b) Yeast infection
(c) Urinary tract infection
(d) Ineffective sports bra

8. What is the worst minor annoyance at work?
(a) Reply-all emails
(b) Forced conviviality
(c) Not being able to take a leisurely crap in peace and privacy
(d) Poor indoor climate control

9. What is the best/worst Gwyneth Paltrow death scene in a movie?
(a) Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box in Seven
(b) Gwyneth Paltrow's convulsive flu-seizure in Contagion
(c) Gwyneth Paltrow's overdose in Country Strong
(d) Gwyneth Paltrow's head in an oven in Sylvia.

10. Who is the best/worst douche on the pop-music scene today?
(a) Adam Levine
(b) Kanye West
(c) John Mayer
(d) Chad Kroeger from Nickelback

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