Saturday, June 27, 2015

I'll Have a 4 Piece McHate Nuggets and a Side of Bigot Balls, Please!

The only thing juicier than the Supreme Court's decision on marriage equality is the bigots' and haters' reactions to it.

For the benefit of my loyal readers, I've mined the interwebs in a VERY fruitful attempt to find the four most succulent hate-nuggets to chew on and regurgitate in a giant, mucous-laden spitball; like a mama bald eagle feeding her chicks after scavenging the garbage dump.


McHate Nugget #1: Clarence Thomas in his dissenting opinion: "Slaves did not lose their dignity because the government allowed them to be enslaved . . . Those held in internment camps did not lose their dignity because the government confined them. And those denied governmental benefits certainly do not lose their dignity because the government denies them those benefits. The government cannot bestow dignity and it cannot take it away."

Wait, what?! Seriously?! What the FUCKOVER Clarence? First of all, your parents named you Clarence, and that HAS to be why you're being such an inconceivably HUGE dick right now. I have exactly one word for the logic that says it's not a breach of human dignity for the government to put your head in a gas chamber, turn you into a lampshade or a bar of soap, buy you for six wooden nickles on an auction block, whip you to death, and/or stop you from marrying the person you love: BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! 

McHate Nugget #2: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker: "As a result of this decision, the only alternative left for the American people is to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.": Yeah Scott. That's totally going to happen. Congress will take one of the most extraordinary steps in American democracy just so you can sleep easy knowing no one will discover that YOU secretly want a big, hard dick in your ass. Because really, that's what this is all about, isn't it? It has to be. Fortunately, there's a more practical alternative, and here it is: Get the fuck over yourself, rent a gay porno, and just jizz the hate straight out of your nutsack, Scott. NO ONE CARES. We promise.

McHate Nugget #3: Mike Huckabee: "I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British army." Viva La Revolucion, Huckster! An imperial court? The British army? Really? How does a lesbian wedding on Fire Island make Mike Huckabee "acquiesce" to anything? Unless of course HE wants to get gay married? Maybe he does, and again, to that I say, good on ya Huck. 'Cause guess what? Now you can! Maybe go propose to Scott Walker? You guys would look soooooo cute walking down the aisle all dressed up like Paul Revere and Benjamin Franklin.

McHate Nugget #4: Westboro Baptist Church: "The Supreme Court gave the government stamp of approval on an outrageously grotesque sin against God. #doomed." Wow, Satan's biggest and greasiest taint stain has its own Twitter account AND a clever hashtag. Don't forget, this is the same cluster of dipshits who got SCOTUS to say 8-1 that the First Amendment lets them picket outside a dead soldier's funeral and scream "God Hates Fags," and whose website is literally So I guess SCOTUS is doing God's work when it lets them hate-monger in the most heinous and insensitive way possible, but is sinning against God when it approves loving marriages between consenting adults. Please. The only "grotesque sin against God" in this scenario is Westboro Baptist Church. 

Yum. That was a delicious Happy Meal of Hate. I think I need a diet coke.

1 comment:

  1. LOL. Can't wait to see Huck and Scott as Ben and Paul.


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