Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Holy Fucknuts, Batman! A Guy Named Steve Yuhas is Officially The World's Most Entitled Human Being

The awesomeness that is Jezebel has a piece today about rich peeps in Southern Cali who don't think the Governor's water use restrictions should apply to them, because their ducats make them drought-exempt.

Steve Yuhas--a random rich dude officially named by hydrologists as the World's Most Entitled Human Being---let this pungent queef burst forth from his gold-plated Beluga caviar hole: 
People should not be forced to live on property with brown lawns, golf on brown courses or apologize for wanting their gardens to be beautiful. We pay significant property taxes based on where we live. And, no, we're not all equal when it comes to water . . . When we bought, we didn't plan on getting a place that looks like we're living in an African savanna.
The FUCK?! 

Steve You Ass is totally right, because we're definitely NOT all equal when it comes to water. Some highly deserving people (e.g. Steve You Ass) have earned the right to pay their pool guy during a drought, because they're rich, and rich people are special and have thirsty hydrangea bushes. 

Accordingly, Steve You Ass should be allowed to flood the 18th hole of a golf course with the elixir of life, so that his eyeballs don't burn up from the ghastly sight of brown grass. Meanwhile, the rest of the world should happily drink fecal coliform bacteria from a contaminated well and shit blood for a week before dying of intestinal parasites.

That is TOTES fair. 

But I think Steve You Ass maybe needs a short pop quiz about water usage? Answers appear in red.

1. What Should Steve You Ass Apologize For?
(a) Keeping his garden beautiful in a drought.
(b) Golfing on a green golf course in a drought.
(c) Being an inconceivable douche who should do the world a favor by filling his infinity pool with battery acid and diving head first into the shallow end.
(d) Selfishly (and illegally) wasting a precious natural resource for nothing.
(e) All of the above.

2. What Should Steve You Ass Be Forced to Do?
(a) Live on property with a brown lawn.
(b) Golf on a brown golf course.
(c) Sign up for Mars One and take a one-way trip to Mars.
(d) Live on an African savanna forever.
(e) All of the above.

3. What Did Steve You Ass NOT Plan On When He Bought His House?
(a) The Governor telling him to stop drowning his roses.

(b) Earning the title of World's Most Entitled Human Being.
(c) Being equal when it comes to water.
(d) Getting a place that looks like an African savanna.
(e) All of the above.

4. What is Karma's Desired Effect of a Drought on Steve You Ass?
(a) Steve You Ass shriveling up into a dehydrated human raisin who looks like Smeigel from Lord of the Rings.
(b) Steve You Ass spontaneously combusting on the parched remnants of his golf course.
(c) Steve You Ass drinking an intestinal parasite.
(d) Steve You Ass being made equal when it comes to water.
(e) All of the above.

Image result for california drought

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