Thursday, March 17, 2016

This Sheriff in Idaho is at Least 51% Full of Shit

ICYMI, Craig Rowland, a sheriff in Bingham County, Idaho, opened up his microwaved baked potato hole to drop some crispy hash brown science on all you ladies out there who dare to call the cops when someone sticks their dick in you against your will. 

Here's what he said about the "majority" of rape calls they get in his county, only 33% of which, b-t-dubs, are actually reported nationwide according to the FBI:

"The majority of our rapes that are called in, are actually consensual sex," he calmly and condescendingly mansplained on TV (link here), and therefore it was a waste of time for the Idaho legislature to pass a bill requiring a statewide system for tracking and collecting rape kits. Because although the legislature was clearly "trying to help," in his experience after interviewing rape victims, it usually becomes clear that it was not actually rape and that "things just went too far, and someone got scared."


It sounds to me like this guy is reading off a rape-stereotype playbook. One that he's more than happy to read aloud on the news to women, but would be none too happy if the tables were turned and someone read aloud to him. So. Let's flip that same book open on Sheriff Rowland, and see what we find, shall we?
  • The majority of your arteries are clogged with bacon and jelly donuts.
  • The majority of the exercise you get is walking in and out of a golf cart.
  • The majority of books in your house are written by a white male TV celebrity.
  • The majority of your internet traffic and usage is secretly fetish porn.
  • The majority of the time you don't delete your browser history since you don't know how.
  • The majority of your stops and arrests violate the Fourth Amendment.
  • The majority of your day is spent papering over your underlings' fuck-ups.
  • The majority of your thoughts re: non-white people is that they're criminals.
  • The majority of the time you think cops are perfect and never make mistakes.
  • The majority of times you try to get your wife to sleep with you, she says no.
  • The majority of your non-work clothes have a cammo pattern.
  • The majority of your toys are big-boy trucks and guns.
  • The majority of your ties are hideous.
  • The majority of your hair is gone, and you're sad about that.
  • The majority of the music you listen to is shitty country-western.
  • The majority of your brain cells are now devoted to Donald Trump's awesomeness.
  • The majority of your DVD collection is World War II period epics.
  • The majority of words that come out of your mouth are undereducated bullshit.
I'm not saying I think all of that's necessarily true. Or at least not the majority of it. Not at all. I'm just pointing out that what's good for the goose is good for the gander, as they say. Because if the majority of geese who report being raped are just lying, then surely the majority of the above must be true for the gander who calls them out on their lies.



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