Sunday, March 13, 2016

I Am Completely Awesome, for My Child is Now Reading Off a Kindle for All the World to See!

Hear ye, hear ye, all ye parents of mere mortals and BEHOLD! This is not an iPad which you see before you. 


For I am not that parent who shares pictures of my children on SCREENS! No. This is my girl-spawn reading. Words. Off a Kindle. That she bought with her birthday money, no less!

I will leave it to you, ye other parents viewing this picture of my child reading words, to conclude that those words are The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison. And not Diary of a Wimpy Kid or a book version of that supremely shitty TV show, Monster High.

For by posting this photo I have hopefully sewn in you a growing seed of doubt about your own children, who surely are not reading words off a Kindle so peaceably of an evening.

Accordingly I shall omit the part where this was actually morning and lasted five minutes, and was preceded by an epic tantrum over Shopkins.

And so too shall I omit the part where my Stanford-bound ingenue was more interested in playing with the various font sizes on this device than she was in using it for its intended purpose.

For to include such details--true though they may be--would be to disrupt the carefully-curated tableau of excellent parenting and prodigious academic rigor that you see before you, the sole purpose of which underlies all posting of young children reading on social media.


  1. Can you please explain the phenomenon that is Shopkins? I don't get it.

    1. I wish I knew. They are little pieces of plastic crap. I think I may even have written a separate blog post wondering the same thing...


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