Transitioning your kids from one activity to the next is one of the most notoriously challenging aspects of parenting. Getting your child from place to place on time with everyone's sanity intact can seem impossible sometimes, and it's often physically and mentally draining.
That's why O.H.M. now offers these handy scripts guaranteed to make transitions in these three common parenting scenarios easier. If you have a co-parent and they happen to be around, it's best to play good cop/bad cop. If you're single-parenting, good news: You get to be good cop and bad cop!
Transition Scenario 1: Home to School in the Morning
Parent: Put down the jump rope. Put down the jump rope. Put down the jump rope. PUT DOWN THE JUMP ROPE!!
Child: OKAY!! You don't have to YELL at me!!
Parent: Wait . . . why are there a zillion papers from your backpack all over the floor? Have you even made your lunch?
Parent: I literally do not understand how you could have been awake for two hours and literally have done nothing at all productive in service of getting yourself ready to leave this house.
Child: I WAS getting ready!
Parent: Dude. Playing around on an iPad is not part of getting ready. Where are your boots?
Child: OW! I just fell down! I need a Band Aid!
Parent: Let me see. No you don't. [Pick up one child under each arm. If one child is too heavy, drag them by the shoulder and steer them toward your car]. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH. LET'S GO! WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE LATE! AGAIN!
Transition Scenario 2: Leaving a Birthday Party
Parent: Okay, time to get out of the bouncy house. We need to get going now.
Child: But [bounce] we [bounce] didn't [bounce] even [bounce] have [bounce] cake [bounce] yet [bounce].
Parent: Yes we did, look over there. Everyone's eating cake.
Child: Yeah, but they got seconds! [bounce].
Parent: Did you have cake?
Child: Yeah but not SECONDS.[bounce][bounce].
Parent: Where's your brother/sister?
Child: How should I know? [bounce].
Parent: [Whisper] I don't like that tone of voice, you're embarrassing me. Go find them and tell them it's time to leave.
Child: I don't know where they are.[bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce].
Parent: We're going to be late for [next activity] if we don't leave now. Go find [birthday boy/girl], tell them happy birthday, and say thank you to their parents. NOW please.
Child: [Still in bouncy house]. But I don't know where they aaaaaaaaaaaaaare.[bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce][bounce].
Parent: UGH FINE!!! DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!? WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE! AGAIN!
Transition Scenario 3: Preparing to Leave House for Extracurricular Activity
Child: I don't feeeeeeeeeeeeel like going to [extracurricular activity] today.
Parent: Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but we made a commitment and you told me you would honor that commitment. We only have [x] number of sessions/lessons/practices left. Go get your stuff. C'mon. Let's go.
Child: But I don't know where any of my stuff is.
Parent: What do you mean? How can you not know where your stuff is? Your stuff is your responsibility. I'm not doing this activity, you're doing this activity. It's not my stuff, it's your stuff. We're doing this for you, not me. If you just cleaned up your stuff and put it in the same place every time we wouldn't have this--
Parent: HEY! DO NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!!! LET'S GO! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE! AGAIN!