My definition of The Good Fight is to burden our already over-burdened legal system with lawsuits of great import, like this one over iced coffee. The Washington Post reports that a woman named Stacy from Illinois is seeking to redress a coffee-related grievance so
This one's about cold coffee though, and it's difficult to imagine what set of facts could possibly justify a lawsuit over ice cubes. For realisies: Stacy sued Starbucks, claiming the chain is "under-filling" its cold beverages by giving them a whole shitload of ice and hardly any coffee juice on top.
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. So. Fucking. Real.
The Bux used some lawyer-speak to call plaintiff's claims "without merit," but I'm not so sure. Because according to the WaPo article, this is the SECOND deficient coffee drink lawsuit against the mega-wakey juice chain. The first one claimed that Bux was under-filling lattes! And then there was another similar suit, in which the Subway foot long sub was alleged to be under a foot long.
You guys, I sooooooooooooooooooo want a job at one of the law firms that litigates these cases. I'm sure I could concoct some novel claims destined to make some First World fast fodder justice and dollars rain down on everyone.
- McDonald's "Happy Meal" actually makes people unhappy.
- Taco Bell "Supreme Variety Pack" not varied or supreme enough.
- Arby's "Market Fresh" sandwich neither from market nor fresh.
- Chipotle makes you shit blood from E. Coli (oh wait, someone already did that one).
- Burger King is sexist and needs to change its name to Burger King AND Queen.
- Dairy Queen is sexist and needs to change its name to Dairy Queen AND King.
- Red Lobster way too hard to get into ever since Queen Bey gave it a shout-out in Formation video.
- Cheesecake Factory does not technically meet definition of "Factory."
- Applebees calls itself "Your Neighborhood Grill & Bar" but is not actually in my neighborhood.