Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Faint Pulse Detected in Body of Alaska Legislature

Alaska Commons first reported the good news that after three weeks of inactivity, a faint pulse slightly indicative of life could be detected deep within the body politic of the Alaska Legislature. 

More than three weeks into its extended coma session, our state's elected body of 60 public officials is at last showing glimmers of neurological activity as it stirs to reform the state's oil tax structure. 

Up until now, experts were skeptical that anything could be done to salvage the catatonic body. "We were seeing a lot of what we call 'false positives,'" said one physician familiar with the situation. "Bills like guns on college campuses and no sex ed in schools might appear to indicate that something is actually happening in the body, but ironically these things only demonstrate that the body is sinking deeper and deeper into a bottomless, vegetative abyss."

The recent blip of new activity gives Alaska some hope, especially since last week, when two legislators from opposite sides of the proverbial political aisle were observed by a constituent squeezing each other's hands and blinking to communicate in the literal yogurt aisle of Fred Meyer. 

Unfortunately, the Legislature is still clinging to productivity by a thread, and no one knows when it might decide to pull the plug. So it's still unknown at this time whether it will ever pass a budget again. 

For now, doctors say, it's a waiting game.

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