Tuesday, May 10, 2016

12 More Things Only Dark Hairy Women Understand

Okay, so I'm not the first person to come up with the "10 things only xyz will understand" listicle format, and I'm not even the first person to come up with the "10 things only hairy girls will understand" format, since those lists are a dime a dozenBut truly, not enough can be written about this important issue, so I'll add my two (plus ten) cents:

1.  Seeing a picture of Mexican painter Frida Kahlo, and briefly considering her incredible life and work before quickly focusing on what you would do with her eyebrow and mustache game if you had her for a day. Just ONE day.

2. Wearing open-toed shoes and looking down at your feet to discover that, whoops, you forgot to shave the top of your left foot and your right big toe. 

3. Apologizing profusely to the person who is about to wax your bikini line and upper legs, and an hour and a half later handing her a huge tip as you limp out the door.

4. Putting a line-item in your family budget (not subject to veto) devoted exclusively to hair maintenance.

5. Three words: Costco razor bag.

6. Wearing shorts in summer and discovering one long swatch of hair on the back of your calf that somehow evaded removal in the shower.

7. Laughing at your light-haired friends when they try to sympathize with your plight by showing you their barely visible, wispy, alleged leg and armpit hair.

8. Constantly noticing other swarthy women's level of hairiness and contemplating what exact product and method you would use to deal with it, to the extent it seems insufficiently addressed.

9. Beating yourself up constantly for capitulating to westernized standards of beauty and the cosmetics industry, before looking under your armpits and deciding you don't care, it's fucking disgusting and all of it--along with those one or two random hairs that keep popping up in that one horrible place, wherever it is--needs to come off NOW. (Gross hair, do care).

10. Literally structuring your entire sex life and intimate encounters around hair removal and pace of regrowth.

11.  Looking at your face in the visor-mirror in the front seat of a car and being totally horrified by what's looking back at you.

12. Being very particular about and/or having separation anxiety when you can't find your best Tweezers.

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