Sunday, September 13, 2015

Stage Fright

The last time I appeared on stage as anything other than myself was in a seventh grade summer camp production of Grease. I was type-cast as Rizzo, and the co-directors were several twenty-something counselors who just wanted us to hurry up and rehearse so they could go out drinking already. They apparently recognized--correctly--that I was a nascent foul-mouthed, promiscuous semi-delinquent who would soon grow very fond of booze and smoking.

Now, as then, I have a tendency to get in over my head. Especially when it comes to silly public antics. (See, e.g.: this entire blog). In particular, I'm prone to being goaded into publicly embarrassing myself, and I fear that is what is about to happen this Saturday September 19, because singing.

I don't sing. Yet somehow I agreed to be a "diva" in the Juneau Lyric Opera's "Who's Your Diva?" fundraiser. (Shameless plug: You can still vote for me at this link!) I have to "compete" with 11 or so other "divas" who actually have some sort of ability to sing and have been trained to do it. With Geoff's help (he is going by the stage name "Sir Snax-a-Lot"), I will be performing as One Hot Mess, singing "Patience" by the inimitable Guns N' Roses and this original rap, "It's Raining Sideways in Juneau, Yo."

If this were a court appearance or testimony before the legislature, I'd have it dialed in no problem. But as it stands, we rehearsed the "group number" yesterday and I flubbed my one and only line. Fortunately alcohol will be served at the event.

Heaven help me, and thank God for vodka.

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