Wednesday, November 19, 2014

"It’s Raining Sideways in Juneau, Yo" (Based on SNL’s Adam Samberg’s "Chronicles of Narnia")

Rainy Sunday, wake up at the ass crack o’ dawn
Call up a dozen moms cuz I can’t be alone
Hello?
What up, moms?
Sistah wife! What’s crackin’?
You thinkin' what I’m thinkin?
TWIN LAKES
Yeah, it’s happenin'!

But first we gotta make our kids put on their gear
We rock the Hellys and the Xtra-Tuffs all DAY up in here!
They got the triple insulation with the steel toe built in
The slip-resistant outsole that flex like Paris Hilton
No doubt those boots got all da bomb rubbah
I needsta have those kicks like an orca needs blubbah!
One, no two, no three WARM LAYAHS
I ain’t tryin’ to hear my kids bitchin,’ playahs!

Yo, who’s got the snacks?
Oh shit, not me!
Better hit Freds or better yet the I.G.
I got some Annie’s bunnies and maybe some M&Ms
Rainbow Foods shook me down for like all of my Benjamins.

Egan Drive let’s go
Step on it, sucka.
What you wanna do, moms?
COFFEE MOTHER FUCKER.

It’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
Yeah you heard me, this shit is BLEAK.

Yo. Stop at the drive-thru
For a phat soy latte
Without it I ain’t ever gonna make it til’ karate.  
Move all that shit out the back of my car
Make room for your ass like an inn with five stars
I reach between the seats and I pull out some quartahs
Girl scowlin’ like she never heard a melting-down daughtah!

Roll up to the playground
The equipment is WET
But we be playin' nice like a string quartet
Get out a towel, ‘cause dryer is BETTER.
And every kid here is fuckin’ crying, getting wetter.

The moms down south be askin’ how we do it
You get the dope threads and you just say SCREW IT.
Now simmer down son, I ain’t got blueberries!
That shit is out of season, they be comin' on the ferry.

It’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo,
Yeah you heard me, this shit is BLEAK . . .


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