Thursday, November 13, 2014

Eloise is a Juvenile Delinquent

I don't think "juvenile delinquent" is the P.C. term for it these days, but Eloise from the eponymous children's book is one for sure. I loved this book as a girl, and just finished reading it to Paige. But a plot that was once hilarious and charming seems incredibly fucked up and horrifying to me now.

A poor little six year-old rich girl is completely neglected by her 30 year-old mother who lives in Paris (there is no dad in the picture). Her mom "knows Coco Chanel," sends for her when there's "sun," and is having an affair with her lawyer. Meanwhile, the kid is permitted to run wild through the cavernous, Manhattan luxury hotel she inhabits, while in the care of a British nanny who smokes cigars and watches boxing on television. She doesn't go to school because it's "boring," and charges whatever she wants to her mother's credit card. Forget for a moment that this basically describes half of New York City's private elementary school population in real life anyway. It's still disturbing as shit.

Someone needs to write the equally depressing sequel to Eloise for the teen poor little rich New York City kid demographic. The plot involves Eloise shoplifting at Sephora; partying in her suite at the Plaza with a bunch of kids from Dalton; getting kicked out of boarding school for smoking weed; starting a fashion label with Lindsay Lohan; flying to Europe for an abortion; developing an eating disorder; and OD'ing on heroin with Peaches Geldof. It's gonna be an instant classic!


  1. Um, if Amber weren't already my BFF she'd be promoted as of today for sending me a link to your blog. Hello from Windy Wasillahhh. We roll and lol to these books, but still I have to talk myself out of naming a someday-baby-girl Eloise in her honor, like, regularly --- thanks for reminding me why.


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