Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Bow Down, All Ye Parents of Mere Mortals!

And behold! My daughter eating sushi with chopsticks! Aren't I an amazing mom? And isn't Paige an amazing kid SIMPLY because she is eating sushi with chopsticks? She's so adventurous and worldly for her tender years. This is no chicken nugget kid, my friends. She will probably grow up to be a diplomat. Or perhaps the Secretary of State! But not before she's admitted to Harvard at 16 on the back of this photograph alone. I'm so fortunate to have the $14.99 to spend exposing my child to the many cultures and cuisines of the globe. And I'm so lucky that she is sophisticated enough to recognize these opportunities when they are presented to her. What a fucking genius she is! And I am too! Obviously! Now if ONLY there was some sort of internet-based platform on which to share this information so that the whole world could know how highly I think of myself, my children, and my life choices...

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