Wednesday, December 30, 2015

'Tis the Season in Juneau to Fall Flat on Your Ass and Scream "OW! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"

'Tis the season here in Juneau, Alaska for beautiful winter sunrises like this, and for taking in the deep majesty of the stunning vistas that grace our presence each day. 'Tis also the season to inadvertently forget our Yak Tracks ice cleats, because we are not yet in the habit of bringing them everywhere we go.

'Tis the season as well for taking stock of our lives; reflecting on the previous year; and contemplating resolutions and goals for the year to come. In addition, 'tis the season when, despite wearing our Bogs or Xtra-Tuff boots to work, we slip on black ice and twirl our arms backwards in a spinning pinwheel--like a Looney Tunes character with that "struggling-not-to-fall" cartoon sound effect in the background, as a quick burst of adrenaline and panic surges through our veins.

'Tis the season too for gathering with friends in merriment and good cheer, shortly after we slowly hoist our 10-pounds-overweight frame upwards from freezing cold pavement on a 45 degree angle sidewalk in Starr Hill, using a frozen picket fence for support, and glance around, hoping no one saw our ridiculous and humiliating pratfall.

'Tis this very time of year when we stop to acknowledge the gifts, both tangible and not, that we have received, and ponder all that we might give back to the world; a contemplation that we make thoughtfully, peacefully, and with deep reverence after screaming "OW! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" at the top of our lungs for both no one and everyone to hear.

'Tis the season for warm drinks, frosted evergreens, quiet snowfalls, early sunsets, comfy wool socks, and fires in the wood stove; as well as profound gratitude that we have once again defied statistical odds by falling on ice for the third time in one day with only a nasty and impressive bruise to show for it, as opposed to a broken bone or a thrown-out back that would put a serious dent in our immediate future plans and health insurance policies.

Ah, Juneau. 'Tis the season.


  1. Happy holidays to the OHM editorial team for finding and managing 5 magnificently witty writers and corralling them into a uniform style--all the while squeezing out of them the work that would normally be done by 10. Tell them their wit is appreciated.

  2. I'm sorry to say there is only ONE writer here . . . ;) Yours Truly. :)

    1. Nah! That'll be a lot-O-wit locked up in a single brain. Must be busy in there.

  3. But thank you Kenny, from this Team of One!


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