Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Surgeon General Issues Health Warning on Donald Trump

The U.S. Surgeon General has issued a dire and unprecedented health warning against business mogul and Presidential candidate Donald Trump, urging the public to limit its exposure to the highly toxic and incomprehensibly enormous douchebag of a human being. The full text of the warning appears below:
Donald Trump is dangerous to human health. Men, women (pregnant or not), and children should limit their exposure to this shitstain on the cocksack of humanity and his fluorescent orange face, cotton-candy hair, and bombastic voice. Listening to and/or watching Donald Trump deliver his batshit, xenophobic, megalomaniacal "policy" ideas and/or entering his gaudy, eponymous tacky hotels and casinos may cause stroke, brain tumors, heart attack, sudden death due to shock, or mass shootings and hate crimes perpetrated by those who are habitually exposed and particularly susceptible to the side-effects of Donald Trump. Studies have shown that quitting Donald Trump now greatly reduces serious risks to the nation, the U.S. Constitution, equality, democracy, and basic grade-school civics. Donald Trump's hair and the malfunctioning brain underneath it contain the most egregious case of narcissistic personality disorder the free world has witnessed since Adolf Hitler. Repeated exposure to Donald Trump may cause the listener/viewer to become a dangerous and psychotic neo-Nazi, to the extent they are not one already. Ben Carson and Ted Cruz are not safe alternatives to Donald Trump. 

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