Sunday, December 6, 2015

Now That the New York Times Editorial Board Has Demanded an End to the Gun Epidemic, the Gun Epidemic Will Definitely End

Good news, America! 

Now that the New York Times has called for an end to the gun epidemic in this country, it's definitely going to end.

Here's how.

A front-page editorial in the New York Times said so. Or, more specifically, a front-page editorial "happened" on Saturday, according to the Gray Lady's official Twitter account. This is really, really great news you guys, as I will explain. 

See, a front-page editorial in this newspaper is like a solar eclipse or Haley's comet--a rare natural event completely divorced from human discretion: it hasn't "happened" since 1920. But it happened yesterday, and that can only mean one thing: whatever the New York Times Editorial Board says in that extremely rare front-page editorial will come to pass.

And this is very important considering the audience of this newspaper. An audience, I might add, of which I can proudly count myself a member. An audience who is surely very receptive to the message of this editorial, but yet who is not Wayne LaPierre, an NRA lobbyist, nor any of the members of Congress who have been bought lock, stock, and barrel (no pun intended) by the NRA

In other words, none of the people who could actually reverse the complete bloodbath they've created in America just so they can have a good stock portfolio and nice cars and houses.
At this point, I feel a huge sense of relief and hope for humanity. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying every day that despite its rarity, another front-page editorial will "happen" soon. One in which the New York Times Editorial Board calls for an end to global warming.

Because then we'll be all set.

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