Thursday, December 31, 2015

Ring the Bell, Mothafuckahhhhhhhhs!

Just in time for New Year's Eve, I came home to a letter congratulating me for finally paying off my law school student loan. 

It's only been 14 years, but apparently I've finally absolved my debt to mens rea, res ipsa loquitur, Blackacre, the Bluebook, and easements appurtenant to dominant tenements (#lawschoolhumor #beyondlame #dontask). 

AND guess what? It turns out I actually OVERPAID by . . . wait for it . . . $17.08! That's 17 Washingtons and 8 red Lincolns, BITCHEZ! What in the name of Ramen noodles and ketchup packets am I supposed to do with all this surprise scrilla? 

Well, first off I'ma buy everyone I know a round of shots tonight. Crazy Horse or Zima will come in right under this price point I think. Ring the bell! 

I can think of a few other things to do with $17.08 too.  BELEEEEEE DAT!

Perhaps a single shot of Glenlivet or a 10 minute aviation school refresher course for the Alaska Airlines pilot who pulled the ultimate DERP yesterday by landing on a taxiway at SEA/TAC? Whoops! I thought everything in commercial aviation was supposed to be computerized nowadays? Looks like "pilot error" is still possible though, so good thing there wasn't a plane taking off in the other direction, or else . . . WHAMMO.

According to SEA/TAC spokespeople, this is only the fourth time this has happened in the airport's history. So maybe what I'll do is use this $17.08 to track down the other three pilots who pulled this derp move. They can all drink Crazy Horse (on me) together to celebrate being in the small, ignominious club of four that have done the pilot equivalent of a 90 year-old grandma accidentally entering the highway via an exit ramp, or a New Yorker driving the wrong way down a one-way street in Boston before the days of Google Maps. (Not the Tobin Bridge again! Not Storrow Drive!? Fuck! Fuck!)

Or maybe I'll buy Isaac an iTunes gift card. Yesterday we were listening to Radiohead's OK Computer, and this kid who is all of five years old was poppin' off about his parents' taste in music. "Can you change this? It's freaking me out," he said. There's no accounting for taste in this world, I tells ya.

In any case, that $17.08 is a welcome boon to my coffers. As my dad used to say when I'd grumble about my minimum wage paychecks in college, "You wouldn't flush it down the toilet, would you?"

No dad, no I wouldn't.

Fig. 1: The letter and check in question, carefully redacted to omit delicate identifying personal information.

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