Friday, September 4, 2015

Operation is for Straight Up Pussies Now

I know. I'm not supposed to say "pussies" anymore, because it's not feminist and politically correct or something, which of course is itself emblematic of what's turning this generation of kids into pussies. 

The other thing that's doing it is the game "Operation." Remember that game? It's the one where you take a metal electric tweezer connected to the board by a wire, and the object is to extract little plastic body parts. Whoever gets the most parts without setting off the buzzer by touching the metal border around the opening wins.

Well, when I was a kid, this game was hard, and not just because my fine motor skills were under-developed. Even Hasbro admits that the new edition has "large openings" and "easy-grab pieces." What?! Back in MY day, those openings were SMALL and the pieces were HARD to grab. Also, the pieces were real pretend plastic body parts. Hearts and ribs and shit. I remember, because the heart had a tiny plastic tab defect that made it easy to cheat and remove it, when it would otherwise have been damn near impossible to get out.

We didn't have game-console controllers and popsicles and sunbursts and other random shit that has nothing whatsoever to do with human anatomy.

What generation of pussies are we raising here? I'll tell you. A generation that's stupid enough to think life is just handed to you, all "easy grab" and with "large openings." A generation that thinks popsicles exist inside the human ankle.

It's EXACTLY because of stuff like this--accommodating kids by giving them board games tailored to the lowest common denominator--that China is kicking us right in the junk and taking all our kids' spaces at every medical school in 'Murica. And they're laughing all the way to the bank, because of course this game was made in China!

I'm tellin' ya. Kids today. Pussies. All of 'em.

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