Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Please Won't You Join Me on the O.H.M. Justin Bieber Mustache Challenge?

  • Are you 18 of years of age or older?
  • Are you female or female-identifying but not currently taking any hormone replacements or hormone modifiers?
  • Do you (naturally) have coarse, black hair sprouting from every pore of your body?
  • Will you not care if you have a mustache for a week when people expect you not to have one?
  • Do you aspire to be mistaken for a male police officer or '80s male porn star?
If you answered "YES" to any of the above questions, then CONGRATULATIONS! You have JUST qualified to join me as I embark on my unique journey to out-'stache the Biebs' semi-pubescent peach fuzz mustache.

That's right people. My style game is about to jump the fuck OFF, and if you're game to join me, yours is too.

After I attend the last of several weddings this summer (functions at which bearded ladies are presumably not de rigueur), I will commence a little experiment in which I--a grown-ass woman--attempt to produce in ten days a better, fuller, and more robust mustache than that offered up by Canadian teen heart throb Justin Bieber's upper lip.

You know. As you do.

Stay tuned, people. This is gonna be yoooooooooooooooooge.

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