Thursday, May 5, 2016

Truly Scary Things in a Women's Restroom

Let's be honest about what's really scary in a women's public restroom. For all the men fearing for our lives and passing bathroom bill legislation to protect us from predatory transgendered people, let me set you straight about the truly most terrifying things in a women's restroom:

1. A line out the door when you're nine months pregnant and/or have a toilet-training toddler in tow.

2. Opening a stall to find a vile slurry of un-flushed "pooriod" in the toilet. (If you're asking yourself what that is, well, looks like you need to send your legislative aides on a little research mission).

3. Overhearing someone literally having a cell phone conversation while on the toilet.

4. Automatic flush inadvertently "bideting" your ass with filthy toilet water before you're done doing your biz.

5. Zero toilet paper, no tissues in purse or backpack, and no one in next stall to save you.

6. Stray pubes (not yours).

7. Used tampons and pads sitting in that little bucket thing with no liner in bucket.

8. Those weird and useless paper toilet seat covers.

9. Getting a leg cramp from hovering.

10. Your under five-year old son happily and obliviously letting the head of his penis touch the rim of the toilet while he's peeing.

11. The job of the unfortunate soul that has to deal with #s 2, 6, and 7 above.

12. Transgendered people.

For the love of all that's holy, will one of you bros PLEASE pass a bill making it a felony to leave "pooriod" in a women's restroom? 

Not all heroes wear capes guys, not all heroes wear capes. Some wear tacky ties with little flag pins in them.

Thanks in advance! #BanPooriod #NoMorePooriod #NeverPooriod #EndPooriod #DownWithPooriod

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