Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Top 6 Most Douchey Mid-90’s Frat-Boy Anthems of All Time: A Primer

Time for a lunch-time stroll down memory lane. No offense (OK, fine, some offense?) to all my ex-frat boy friends and those that love them, myself included. You know who you are. Good thing I love you and know you can take it. But let’s be honest: You would never have survived college without these tunes:

Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond: This is the lights-out song for every keg party and at every sports bar. C’mon suckahs: you don’t have to go home, but just remember: there’s no going home at all until you BAH BAH BAH it with your fists raised at the top of your lungs.

Satellite, Dave Mathews Band: Throw this one on when it’s time to strip down to your boxers, turn the halogen lamp to dim, pull that tapestry over your window, lock the door to your single, and get busy with your girlfriend (a.k.a. the sorority girl you had sex with sober a couple times in a row).

Hooked on a Feeling, B.J. Thomas, from the Reservoir Dogs Soundtrack: Perfect for “kegs and eggs.” Nothing says “rise and shine dirty white hatters!” like this tune blasted all over a college quad at 9:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning! Am I right, boys? HOOGASHAKA HOOGA HOOGA HOOGA SHAKA!

Touch of Gray, The Grateful Dead: Pack that metal bowl full of dirt weed you just bought off the least shady hippie you could find, and jam out to the only Grateful Dead tune ever to appear on mainstream radio. Earn yourself some serious cred with your bros. You just got 'em stoned! Heh heh. Aweeeesome.

More than a Feeling, Boston: Somewhere between a butt rock power ballad and a regular ole 80s anthem, this tune is PERFECT for throwing the lacrosse ball around on the lawn or pre-gaming it with a sixer of Natty Ice on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

The Whole World, Outkast: You gotta throw some hip-hop in the mix if you wanna roll legit. And just like Sweet Caroline, this song has a great BAH BAH BAH BAH-DA-BAH moment where you can really rage it bro!

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