Why must pumpkin flavor be in everything from September to December, every single year? Pumpkin pie; pumpkin spiced lattes (i.e. a squirt of pumpkin flavored syrup blurped into your coffee from a sticky plastic pump at Starbucks); pumpkin-flavored chocolates; gelatinous canned pumpkin (for use in most pumpkin recipes); roasted/toasted pumpkin seeds (way better than the rest of the pumpkin, but just barely); pumpkin pancakes; pumpkin bread; pumpkin cookies; pumpkin muffins; pumpkin cheese cake; pumpkin cheese balls (yes, they exist); and worst of all--pumpkin soup. Wretch!
I know this post will have its detractors. "Pumpkins are delicious!," said no one ever. OK, maybe some people have said that, once. But I don't believe them. Not for a second. Because it's an objective fact: pumpkins are simply wrong, wrong, and wrong!
A friend of mine who is living in Switzerland claimed she could not find pumpkin anywhere, and pumpkin appears to be conspicuously absent from most global cuisine, and for good reason. It tastes like shit on a stick! When will we stop pretending that pumpkins taste good, and start admitting that we are in search of ways to use a disgusting gourd that everyone associates with festive fall holidays and doesn't have the heart to just throw away? Please people, I beg of you. We need a collective admission that pumpkins are gross.