Monday, May 14, 2018

Transcript of the Trump-Hannity Nightly Phone Call

According to a recent report in The Hill, Sean Hannity is:
One of a few dozen people who have access to Trump’s official phone line, and the two speak on the phone nearly every night after Hannity’s show. Current and former White House officials familiar with the relationship told the magazine that the conversations help Trump ‘decompress’ at the end of the day.
Welp, O.H.M. is the only place on the internet with an exclusive transcript of last night’s conversation!

Donald: Sean, OMG, Hi.

Sean: OMG! Donald! Hieeeeyyyyy!

Donald: Your show was like, SO AMAZING tonight. Also, I like, SO totally can’t believe what Robert Mueller is doing right now.

Sean: I know, right? It’s a TOTAL witch hunt.

Donald: TOTAL. It’s really, really SAD.

Sean: What are you wearing to work tomorrow?

Donald: I was thinking those 45 cuff links and an extra-long tie with Scotch tape

Sean: OMG I was thinking the same thing! Can we be twinsies?

Donald: Toooootally.

Sean: Wait . . . did you hear Crooked Hillary got lost in the woods in Chappaqua AGAIN?

Donald: OMG seriously? That is soooooooo funny. She’s SUCH a loser. She's like, an even bigger loser than Cryin' Chuck Schumer and Liddle Bob Corker and Pocahontas and Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd all put together.

Sean: I know, right? Her pants suits are hideous too. And that voice? UUUGH. Meanwhile, what are we gonna do about all these leakers?

Donald: Ugh, the leaking is so lame. Total traitors and cowards, by the way.

Sean: Oh, BIGLY. It’s like the fake news media doesn’t even CARE about Uranium One and Hillary’s emails. Such bullshit.

Donald: I know right?! SUCH bullshit! 

Sean: Same with all these illegals. You like, HAVE to build the wall, Donald.

Donald: Oh I’m TOTALLY building the wall and Mexico is SO paying for it. BIGLY!

Sean: You’re the BEST, Donald. I love you.

Donald: No YOU'RE the best. You’re like, the only person on TV who ever tells the truth.

Sean: No you.

Donald: No you.

Sean: No you.

Donald: No you.

Sean: What are you wearing?

Donald: You mean, right now?

Sean: Yeah . . . *sound of heavy breathing and zipper*

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