Saturday, May 5, 2018

Richard Marx vs. Karl Marx: A Comparative Study

Richard: Loves eating pussy for dinner (an amuse bush, if you will).
Karl: Has a flavor saver to rival ZZ Top; might or might not have used it on Jenny for its obvious purpose (see below).

Richard: Wears tacky man jewelry. 
Karl: Eschews the trappings of consumerism except maybe a timepiece to count down the hours until the collapse of the bourgeoisie.

Richard: Born in Illinois and now lives in Malibu.
Karl: Stateless and lived in exile and is now dead.

Richard: Will be right here waiting for you.
Karl: Will be right here writing Das Kapital.

Richard: Sold 30 million records. 
Karl: Views the sale of 30 million anything as a harbinger of late-stage capitalism.

Richard: Your mom listens to him in a bathtub with candles.
Karl: Your college boyfriend reads him in a Starbucks.

Richard: Married Daisy Fuentes in Aspen in 2015.
Karl: Married Jenny Von Westphalen and had 7 kids 4 of whom were also named Jenny.

Richard: Signed by Capitol Records in the 1980s.
Karl: Signed capitalism’s death warrant in the 1880s.

Richard: Does not go by dick, probably is a bit of one.
Karl: Same same.

Richard: Coke is the opiate of the masses.
Karl: That would be religion.

Richard: Made a zillion Almighty Dollars.
Karl: Shuns the Almighty Dollar.

Richard: Wants to make your silk Victoria Secret undies wet.
Karl: Wants everyone to wear the same state-issued, plain, dry, white cotton underpants.

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