Monday, October 31, 2016

We Have Reached Peak Justification for Human Extinction with the Amazon Dash Button

Sometimes people will send me tips for blog posts, and I don't actually believe they're real until I research the issue myself. So it went yesterday, when a friend and reader in Utah told me about the "Amazon Dash Button."

The Amazon Dash Button is a "Wi-Fi connected device that reorders your favorite product with the press of a button." Basically, it eliminates the middle man of either (a) having to go to the store for Pop Tarts and/or Red Bull; or (2) going through the ordeal of more than three clicks on your computer to order these items and similar pre-landfill household garbage and processed food.

Now you can buy and set up a key-fob-shaped device thingie, stick it to your wall, and press the button when you're getting low on toilet paper mid-dump, condoms mid-hump, or Cheez-Its mid-bong hit. I mean, who among us has NOT needed to order more Trojans in the midst of a weekend-long bone-sesh? Wouldn't the Trojans dash button have been totes perfect right over your headboard?

I was going to write more, but truly Amazon Dash is one of those things where pictures are worth thousands of words. So rather than tell you all the products that are available by Amazon Dash, I will just show you 15 photos that prove beyond any shadow of a doubt what we already know: 

The human race has reached peak justification for mass extinction.

1 comment:

  1. Really now, when they make the connection between your fav digital sex toy and the world beyond they might actually have something.


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