Sunday, October 23, 2016

Donald Trump's Cease and Desist Letter to Non-Trump Voters

To Whom It May Concern:

You have been identified as a natural person who might not vote for Donald J. Trump in the United States general presidential election presently scheduled for November 8, 2016.

We represent Mr. Trump, and write to inform you that our firm will be filing a certified class action complaint and an expedited motion for a preliminary and permanent injunction in federal district court in Washington, D.C. unless you immediately cease and desist any and all representations or actions, up to and including the actual act of voting, indicating explicitly or implicitly that you intend to vote for anyone other than our client, Mr. Trump, for President of the United States of America.

As you may be aware, a class action lawsuit is normally brought by a class of plaintiffs against an institutional or governmental defendant to remedy legitimate wrongdoing. However, our firm is well-known for innovative and zealous litigation theories and tactics. Therefore, we are pleased to announce that this will be the first-ever class action brought by an individual candidate for President of the United States against the entire class of millions upon millions of U.S. voters who do not intend to vote for him.

We have our investigators monitoring this election and will immediately identify class-members. Failure to comply with this demand may result in a judgment of millions of dollars in punitive damages and a lien on your property.

We are confident that the court will grant us the relief requested.

Very Truly Yours,

James T. Dipshit, Parnter
Dipshit, Dickhead, and Douchebag, LLC

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