Wednesday, October 12, 2016

I'm Just Gonna Go Ahead and Save Everyone in the ADN Comments Section Some Trouble and Write an Indignant Defense of This Guy Who Got Kicked Off a Plane for Catcalling a Flight Attendant

Attention future users of the ADN comments board: just cut and paste this (satirical but sadly realistic) mini-screed I drafted for commenting on the article about the guy who got kicked off a flight for catcalling. It'll be so much easier than writing your own, and it will accurately express all the same sentiments:

What the hell is our country coming to? That's what I'd like to know. 

I couldn't believe it when I read in the Alaska Dispatch News that a male passenger who yelled "OOOH, SEXY!" at an Alaska Airlines flight attendant as she was conducting a safety demonstration with a life vest was kicked off the plane before takeoff! SERIOUSLY!? He said he was "just playing." 

Really, Alaska Airlines? Lemme get this straight: You're gonna let foreigners in turbans speak Arabic in First Class but then kick a fella off a flight simply for appreciating a good-looking woman. 

Makes perfect sense!

Apparently some over-sensitive people can't take a compliment. Back in MY day, that flight attendant--I mean stewardess (when did we start calling them "flight attendants" by the way?)--would have smiled, winked, said "thanks Hon!" and probably handed the passenger her phone number on a cocktail napkin underneath a free vodka tonic!

If this isn't proof that America is turning into a nation of politically correct, crybaby pussies, I don't know what is. I swear. No one can say or do anything anymore these days without the PC word police coming after you with tasers. 

And to the lady quoted in the article who wrote all about it on Facebook, why are you "honored" to be a patron of such a ridiculously over-reactive airline? How was the other passenger's behavior "juvenile and exceedingly disrespectful?" 

I have news for you, sweetheart. I'm a grown man, and I've lived in Alaska for 25 years. Grown men talk like that all the time. They're just trying to be nice. Last time I checked, it was a COMPLIMENT to call someone sexy at their place of business as they were trying to do their objectively unsexy job.

I mean, can't anyone take a light ribbing and some flattery anymore? Last time I was on an Alaska Airlines flight, the stewardess looked like she'd come to work straight off the stripper pole, with big fake eyelashes and the whole shebang. If stewardesses don't want to be catcalled at work, they should wear looser sweaters, longer skirts, shorter heels, and less makeup. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for church.

You're welcome!


  1. Having commented several times already re said article (including a couple of responses to a guy, 'raised in chugiak') I will say that your sarcasm would be upped by the denizens there only because the average mental wattage is near that of a Christmas tree light bulb; the red ones, thus they would be RIGHT THERE - YEAH! The common response by these dim bulbs is, in defense and justification, along the lines of "He said he was just playing." What more does a manly man need to do to get off the hook? After all, women are merely playthings, most every religion ever invented has said so.


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