Sunday, October 30, 2016

Happy Hallo-I-Put-My-Kid-in-a-Gender-Nonconforming-Costume-and-an-Asshole-Made-a-Big-Deal-Out-of-It-and-I-Turned-Those-Conformist-Lemons-Into-Viral-Content-Lemonade-Ween!

Happy Hallo-I-Put-My-Kid-in-a-Gender-Nonconforming Costume-and-an-Asshole-Made-a-Big-Deal-Out-of-It-and-I-Turned-Those-Conformist-Lemons-Into-Viral-Content-Lemonade-Ween!

I LOVE this time of year. Pumpkins, trick-or-treaters, colorful fall leaves, World Series baseball, warm roasted root vegetables. 

But my favorite part of October by far is all the heartwarming stories of boys wearing Elsa from Frozen costumes and girls wearing Superman costumes, getting criticized or made fun of for it by some narrow-minded ass-backwards dipshit, and their parents turning this experience into a cautionary tale/viral manifesto on social media.

Now, I haven't personally experienced the phenomenon of Halloween costume-based persecution in real life, but I'm obviously against it. And rest assured if I did witness it, I'd say something about it. 

I'd also do something. Like that whole anti-terroristm campaign, "if you see something, say something." 

Specifically, if I see anyone giving my daughter shit for her Superman costume or my son shit for his Elsa costume, I am going to BLAST THAT SHIT TO HIGH HEAVEN ON THE INTERNET, MOTHERFUCKAHHHHZZZZ! It will be all over Facebook and everyone from Slate to the Huffington Post will have at least three long-form stories about this happening and what everyone involved did and said. 

And then I will feel like I'm in Black Mirror or the Matrix, because I will be doing the exact same thing by unloading on the internet, and waiting for the world to spread it around.

In the meantime, I'll say it again for good measure: Happy Hallo-I-Put-My-Kid-in-a-Gender-Nonconforming Costume-and-an-Asshole-Made-a-Big-Deal-Out-of-It-and-I-Turned-Those-Conformist-Lemons-Into-Viral-Content-Lemonade-Ween!

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