Friday, October 28, 2016

Please Show Me One Email That Would Justify Donald Trump Being President of the United States, Oh Wait, I Found It!

Seriously. I want to see that. I want to see one email, written by anyone, anywhere on earth, ever, that could possibly justify Donald Trump--an intemperate, neo-fascist, morally and financially bankrupt, pussy-grabbing, intellectually-challenged, bloated cantaloupe of a sociopath--being the leader of the free world.

Just one.

Again, I'm not asking to see an email that would disqualify Hillary Clinton from being President. I'm asking to see one that would make it even remotely okay to have Donald Trump as an alternative. 

Never mind, I found it. Here it is:

To: Vladimir Putin
From: Hillary Clinton
Date: June 1, 2015
cc: Satan's Smegma

Dear Vlad,

My sources tell me Donald Trump is planning to run for President and I'm scared he's going to do an amazing job and make America the greatest it's ever been. Let's collude to make zillions of dollars for ourselves by taking him down and making him look stupid. 

We can poison him with secret, military-grade experimental drugs that will reduce his vocabulary to the words "SAD, DISASTER, and BIGLY," cause him to Tweet bullshit at a mind-bending rate, unveil a long and--pardon the pun--trumped-up history of sexual assault and tax evasion, and basically convert him from the next Nelson Mandela into a dog-whistling white supremacist xenophobe who can't be trusted in a locker room much less the Oval Office. 

The American public will never find out and you and I can take over the whole entire world! Bill can help us. I haven't been this excited about a conspiracy since I orchestrated the Kennedy assassination with those little green men at Area 51! 

Let's hope no one ever makes this public. I'm using a top-secret personal server just to be safe.

Do Svidaniya!


P.S. Anthony Weiner told me he sent you 25 dick pics for your wank tank. Did you get them? Speaking of, I'll send you some Extenze for Men. I got a free sample from a Nigerian prince. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.