Saturday, October 15, 2016

Make America Pay Attention to Something Else Again!

Remember the good old days? By which I mean 18 months ago? When boys were boys, men were men, and women were Caitlyn Jenner?

When you could turn on your flat-screen TV or fire up your smart phone or laptop and have your eyeballs inundated with regular old death and destruction around the world? When someone would tap you on the shoulder and ask: "What unprecedented and unbelievable thing will he do today?" and you wouldn't instantly know exactly what they were talking about?

Remember the heyday of America, as recently as 2014? When the biggest dicks in the news were Kim Jong-Il and John Hamm from Mad Men's "hammaconda?"

It's time to Make America Pay Attention to Something Else Again. 

Like this plain red hat with no writing on it. It's a blank slate, tabula rasa, the land of new opportunities! Anything could go on this red hat! "Make a 38 Second Video of a Dog Chasing a Duck Around a Rock" or maybe "Make a Plan With Your Friends to Play Pokemon Go!"

Really anything would be better than this. Anything would be better than my 71 year-old mother telling me, "I don't know what it is. I just can't stop watching this. I can't stop refreshing the news on my iPhone. It's like watching the nuttiest train wreck of all time! I can't stop." And the whole country is along for the ride.

Let's go back to a bygone era when buttoned-up white nationalists were a little more subtle about their genocidal plans for the country, and the louder ones with swastika tattoos on their necks were all in a federal prison gang. 

A halcyon time when the would-be leader of the free world wasn't a failed casino magnate in the habit of openly bragging about grabbing pussy and bursting a blood vessel in his head screaming that a United States election--one of the most highly regulated affairs in all of democracy--is "rigged." 

When politicians didn't constantly expose the country that elected them in new and creative ways to the full extent of their moral bankruptcy.


That was a good time for America. Make America Pay Attention to Something Else Again!

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