Wednesday, June 15, 2016

5 Ways to Achieve Orgasm Simply by Finding Your Car

Cargasm #1: Successfully finding your car quickly in the parking lot after a Paul Simon concert at Jones Beach and getting a jump on the traffic out of there.

Cargasm #2:  Parking your car overnight in the Bronx in 1995 and discovering the next morning that it’s exactly where you left it.

Cargasm #3: Coming out of the woods off a hiking trail and seeing the parking lot with your car in it, thus ensuring that you will not, in fact, perish in the woods alone never to be found again. (This time). 

Cargasm #4: Forgetting where you parked in airport long term parking, coming off the plane into a monsoon, and then remembering that you anticipated this EXACT moment and can easily see your car from the curb through sideways sheets of rain.

Cargasm #5: Discovering that you left the dome light on in your car during The Revenant, sticking the key in the ignition convinced it won’t start, and then watching in amazement as your car ACTUALLY FUCKING STARTS FOR ONCE!

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