Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Mean Girls, Mean Moms, Exclusivity, and an Invitation

Lately on this blog, I've explored the theme of childhood meanness in conjunction with what sorts of things I do and don't give a fuck about. 

When I was younger, I gave a pretty big fuck about kids being mean to me and excluding me. As an adult, I give way less of a fuck about that. But it's only natural to feel otherwise as a kid or as a parent of a kid who is being fucked over. 

To that end, my mom once did something hilarious and crazy when she was about my age. It's something I don't think I would ever do now, mostly because I haven't had cause to, but I have to give my mom some props for this.

I was the only kid in my nursery school class of 15-20 kids not invited to some mean girl's birthday party. The only one. Seriously, this girl's mom let that happen. So my mom went ballistic and decided she was going to send a present. She gave another, unwitting mom a really nice children's book, all wrapped up with a card, and told her that I couldn't make it to the party, so could this mom please bring the gift on my behalf. I don't know exactly what the card said, but I think it was something sarcastic like: "Sorry we couldn't make it to so-and-so's birthday party. Here's a present!" 


I feel lucky that I don't know any mean moms in Juneau. Seriously, not one. When talking to some friends in bigger cities, however, I hear some gnarly horror stories of kids not being invited to things. Like kids finding out in public about birthday parties they are not invited to; parents sending the message to their kids that it's OK to exclude one quarter of a class of kids; and talk about it in front of the kids who are being left out.

I'm sorry. But that is objectively fucked up and it is not OK. There's a certain critical mass of kids where it's just plain wrong to leave kids out. It's one thing to have a few close friends have a special sleep over or go to a special movie to celebrate a birthday. It's quite another to have a huge birthday party that could easily accommodate a few more children and decide that you're going to let your kid say "fuck you" to one or two kids just because you/they can.

Counterpoint: Life is tough. Let's toughen our kids up and teach them the realities of life. You can't be friends with everyone. Not everyone will be nice to you and you shouldn't be nice to everyone, either. You're not always going to be included and liked and invited to stuff. Deal with it. Let's all start driving that message home early.

Yeah, that's gonna make the world a better place. We as a society should be actively breeding more little humans with that attitude, right?


On that note: for those in Juneau with kids ages 5-7 who know and love Paige: Paige is having a little belated birthday celebration at our house this Saturday, January 17 at 3:30. No gifts or anything, just hanging out and eating snacks and playing. I am positive I've forgotten to mention this to all the kids she would love to see, but that is out of ineptitude and laziness, not meanness or exclusivity. 

Our house is already a shit hole (See prior post titled: "My House is a Shit Hole"). So come one, come all. 

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