Tuesday, January 20, 2015

7 Things I Saw and Never Saw Again: A Cultural Commentary in Two Parts

7 Things I Never Saw in New York City:

1. The inside of a Costco
2. A green bean casserole
3. Anyone named Dottie
4. An endless sea of Aryans

5. Cheerleaders
6. A jello mold
7. Jesus on a dinner mint

7 Things I Never Saw Outside of New York City:

1. A bodega
2. An air conditioning window unit
3. Three falafel vendors in three blocks
4. A naked old lady doing Jane Fonda in a 10th floor window
5. Yoko Ono
6. Someone complementing a parking job by screaming, "Hey, NICE MOVE, Doc!"
7. A giant billboard of Manachem Schneerson*

*If you have to ask, you'll never know.

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