Thursday, January 22, 2015

Joan & Bob

As I mentioned in a recent post titled, "It's That Time of Year," a law school classmate caught a glimpse of the below picture--which was the wallpaper on my laptop screen at the time--and asked me in all seriousness whether Joan Baez and Bob Dylan were my parents.

I don't think he knew who they were; this guy looked like he listened exclusively to Journey, REO Speedwagon, and Poison. Plus, the child of Joan and Bob obviously wouldn't have washed up in Professor Random's first year contracts class at Brooklyn Law School (of all places).

Indeed, I am pretty certain my life would be different in some fairly significant ways if Joan and Bob really were my parents. Specifically:

1. I would be rich and famous by proxy.

2. I would have no debt and excellent credit.

3. I would be super hot. Not a hot mess, just plain hot.

4. I would know how to play guitar and harmonica (beyond breathing in and out I of it while copious drool accumulated in the little metal waffle square thingies, and producing sound akin to the cries of a baby elephant undergoing a rectal exam).

5. I'd get invited to the Grammys and The Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony every year and eat vegan hors d'oeuvres with Paul McCartney and his daughter Stella who would have designed my dress.

6. I would have a genuine and free social conscience, as opposed to one ornately overlaid with guilt, shame, and narcissism.

7. I would have a serious and prodigious substance abuse problem, instead of just the mild and amateur one I have now.

8. I would have original pressings of a lot of awesome vinyl.

9. My half-brother would be that dude from The Wallflowers.

10. I would live in the shadow of my parents' fame and accomplishments, rather than in the shadow of a bowl of granola which beckons to me each night at 9:00 p.m.

That's livin' the dream people. That's livin' the dream.

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