Sunday, July 16, 2017

The First Lady of France is Basically a Race Horse, According to Trump

Happy Sunday, fam! Six quick things first:

1. Isaac is on his fifteenth episode of Ninjago on Netflix and has probably lost 900 brain cells by now. 
2. It's raining to beat the band (again). 
3. All of Juneau is inside a permanent cloud. 
4. I am marching steadfastly toward day-drunk on my second cup of First World dairy-free, gluten-free, almond-milk Bailey's. 
5. Geoff is playing Skid Row and Paula Abdul songs on an acoustic guitar.
6. And finally, I just upped my Prozac by 10mg in an attempt to claw my way back from a brutal depression-spiral of my own making.

What better time, then, to comment upon the news du jour out of Paris, in which POTUS took the world stage only to treat the 64 year-old First Lady of France, Brigitte Macron, like a race horse at the Kentucky Derby when he told her she was "in such good shape." 

Trump then turned to Brigitte's cougar-cub, President Emmanuel Macron, 39, and said to HIM--as if to confirm the observation--"She's in such good physical shape. Beautiful." It's a miracle Brigitte didn't drop a gallon of piss on the spot!

For those who haven't followed their Mary Kay LeTourneau-esque romance, Emmanuel Macron, the President of France (who bee-tee-dubs is two months younger than me and therefore presents me with a major challenge in terms of life achievement catch-up), married his high school drama (!) teacher who is 25 years his senior.

Now of course, a 25 year age dif is NO BIG when it's the distinguished gentleman who's 25 years older.

But upon learning of the Macrons' December-May romance, the whole planet basically went into a collective wide-eyed, jaw-dropping shock that a man of Emmanuel Macron's age and station in life would go anywhere near--much less MARRY--a wretched, menopausal hag like Brigitte Macron.

For as everyone knows, women are to be discarded after age 29 like old chewed-up Juicy Fruit gum that you stick under the seat of the Bronx 7 bus on your way to Inwood. They start to get gray hair and wrinkles and their titties sag like wet beef jerky. They are deadass trash, and must be put out to pasture to play canasta far away from offended eyes.  

There is simply no point to their existence.

Melania Trump, who at 47 is 24 years younger than her repulsive benefactor, is an exception because of how hard she works to maintain her "ten" status.

Trump knows this important matter of state, and in representing Our Great Nation, made sure to let the world know as well. 

As Trump's gray matter continues to deteriorate into sun-downing dementia, his brain is being reduced to a primordial ooze in which he lacks any semblance of a filter. So the first thing he can think of to say to THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF FRANCE is that his grown-ass wife is in "such good physical shape," like she was a thoroughbred on auction at Belmont Stakes.

Ladies and gentleman of the United States, YOUR PRESIDENT! 


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